Total Drama: Chris's Fun House
by KieranDell1409
Summary: Chris has trapped twenty innocent contestants in a laboratory and is forcing them to compete in the most sadistic season yet.
1. The New Cast for Chris's Fun House

The New Cast for Chris's Fun House

 **Author's note: Like I did for the first three seasons, here's a quick introduction to the new guys. Also, I'm going to be outright with this: I'm not sure if I'll be getting these out weekly like I have in the past. I'm certainly going to try, but I keep having things happen that kind of restrict the time I have to work on them. Now, let's get on with this:**

 **ELSA**

 **Originally from:** Frozen

 **Age:** 21

 **Title:** The Ice Queen

 **Summary:** Elsa was born with the power to control ice (for reasons involving either the alignment of Saturn or being born on the winter solstice). As a kid, she used to use these powers while playing with her sister Anna. However, after Anne was accidentally injured while playing, their parents decided it would be better if Anna forgot about Elsa's power, so they could suppress it. Unfortunately, on her Coronation Day, Elsa let her powers go (sorry, had to do it) and froze practically the whole Kingdom of Arendelle…during the summer.

 **EREN YEAGER**

 **Originally from:** Attack On Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin

 **Age:** 15

 **Title:** The Titan

 **Summary:** Eren used to live peacefully within the walls of Wall Shiganshina. But everything changed when the Colossal Titan attacked (or should I be using this joke later?). As titans flood into the city, Eren witnesses his mother getting eaten by one. As they escape to behind Wall Maria, an Armoured Titan more of Wall Shiganshina. After this, Eren vows to kill every last titan. After a few years, Eren (with his friends Armin and Mikasa) join the military in order to combat the titans. However, the Colossal Titan attacks again, and suddenly he and his friends have to fight the invading titans. Eren loses an arm and a leg saving Armin from being eaten by a titan, but…you know what? Just go watch it. It's to freaking epic to spoil.

 **FAITH LEHANE**

 **Originally from:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel

 **Age:** 18

 **Title:** The Vampire Slayer

 **Summary:** When Faith was born, she had a possibility of becoming the Chosen One who would fight vampires and demons, stopping them from attacking humanity. In 1998, the "official" slayer at the time died, and Faith became the new Slayer. She soon moved to Sunnydale after the death of her Watcher, and worked together with previous Slayer Buffy, her Watcher Giles, and her group of friends. Unfortunately, a fake Watcher manipulated her into thinking that the group didn't want to include her. Faith teams up with the evil Mayor Wilkins, and starts fighting against the Scoobies.

 **PONYBOY CURTIS**

 **Originally from:** The Outsiders

 **Age:** 14

 **Title:** The Greaser

 **Summary:** Ponyboy is a member of a street gang called the Greasers, along with his brothers Sodapop and Darrel. Their parents died in a car crash, so Ponyboy and Sodapop are under the care of Darrel as long as they stay out of trouble. The Greasers have a longstanding feud with The Socials (basically rich kids), and frequently get into fights with them. Ponyboy and his friend Johnny meet a couple of Social girls who are nothing like the rest of their clique, but after a misunderstanding, Johnny accidentally kills one of them. Shortly before Johnny decided to turn himself in, Johnny and Ponyboy attempt to rescue some kids from a burning church, where Johnny is paralysed and eventually dies. However, Ponyboy is still considered a local hero.

 **ROGUE**

 **Originally from:** X-Men

 **Age:** 17

 **Title:** The Power Drainer

 **Summary:** Rogue is a mutant with the power to absorb powers, memories, and other traits of people through physical contact. Her power first manifested when she kissed her boyfriend Cody, leaving him in a coma. Through manipulation of the emotions she was suffering, Mystique recruited Rogue to the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. As Rogue absorbed more and more people's powers, she slowly started losing more and more control, eventually begging Professor Xavier to help her. Rogue eventually learned to control her powers so she wouldn't always absorb people's life force on contact.

 **TIFFANY ACHING**

 **Originally from:** Discworld

 **Age:** 16

 **Title:** The Witch

 **Summary:** Tiffany grew up on The Chalk, the daughter of a respected shepherd. At the age of nine, she meets the Nac Mac Feegle, a group of tiny blue men with a loving of drinking and fighting, but are also quite stupid. The people of Tiffany's homeland of The Chalk used to have a fear of witches, but after Tiffany saved the Baron's son from Fairyland while rescuing her brother, the people slowly warmed to it. Tiffany's gift is especially unique, as it was thought that a witch's magic could only develop on lands of rock, whereas Tiffany lives on…well, chalk. In her short time as a witch, she has managed to prove herself skilled in many forms of witchcraft.

 **TRUNKS**

 **Originally from:** Dragon Ball Z

 **Age:** 19

 **Title:** The Half-Saiyan

 **Summary:** Just so we're clear, this Future Trunks, not Kid Trunks. After most of the Z Warriors were wiped out by Androids 17 and 18, Trunks trained under Gohan in an attempt to get strong enough to defeat them. After Gohan's death, Trunks turned Super Saiyan and attempted to fight the Androids, but still barely escaped with his life. Realising the only way to save the world is to save Goku, Trunks travels back in time with some medicine to save him. Through rigorous training, Trunks eventually does manage to beat the Androids in his timeline, only for Cell (who needs to absorb them to reach his ultimate form) to find him and kill him.

 **ZUKO**

 **Originally from:** Avatar the Last Airbender

 **Age:** 16

 **Title:** The Firebender

 **Summary:** Zuko is the son of Fire Lord Ozai. Zuko spent most of his young life trying to be a dutiful son, but his father was a harsh man. After disrespecting his father in a war council meeting, Zuko is banished with his uncle until such time as he finds the Avatar, who has been missing for a hundred years. By chance, Zuko manages to find him, and chases him across the world. During the chase, Zuko slowly begins to question whether what his father is doing is right or wrong, and whether he should follow in his footsteps or not.


	2. Welcome to the Fun House, Kiddies

Episode 1: Welcome to the Fun House, Kiddies

"Hello kiddies," said Chris, appearing on a large screen in the room. "Welcome to my Fun House."

"HOW?!" demanded Raven. "How the hell are you alive?"

"'Alive' is kind of a subjective term in this case," said Chris. "My physical body was destroyed in the plane crash. Luckily I considered that that might happen, so I had my essence transferred into a machine. Good thing too, otherwise we wouldn't be able to do season four."

"There's no way this is being broadcast on TV anywhere," said Kevin.

"Well…not as such," said Chris.

"Then how is it season four?" asked Saeko.

"Because I'm hosting it, and you're competing," said Chris. "Therefore, it's a new season."

"And if we don't?" asked Hit-Girl. Suddenly, she began shaking violently, and collapsed on the floor.

"Yeah, I've surgically inserted shock collars under your skin," said Chris. "So if you don't do what I say, that happens."

"You bastard," growled Hit-Girl, getting up.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this," said Trunks. He closed his eyes and began focusing intensely, then began to let out a loud yell. His body seemed to twitch, possibly from the electrocution, but Trunks ignored it. He suddenly glowed gold for a second, then it happened again for a little longer, before he too collapsed. "What the hell?" he gasped. "I can't go Super Saiyan."

"Yeah, those shock collar double as my power source," said Chris. "You just basically charged me up for the whole season."

"Drain this," said Eren, biting the flesh between his thumb and finger. This was a large puff of smoke, followed by Eren screaming in agony.

"Kid, I stopped Trunks going Super Saiyan. Did you really think I wouldn't stop your Titan form?" asked Chris. "Now, let's get you into teams."

"Why don't you make us?" asked Stifler, before getting electrocuted.

"You don't seem to realise I hold all the power here," said Chris. "Now, those of you on the left side of the room, meaning Edward, Faith, Kenny, Kevin, Nora, Patrick, Rogue, Sabriel, Tiffany, and Zuko, you can be the Lab Rats, everyone on the right, meaning Elsa, Eren, Finn, Hit-Girl, Lyra, Ponyboy, Raven, Saeko, Stifler, and Trunks, you guys get to be the Guinea Pigs. Any questions?"

"Yeah, can you let us go?" asked Elsa.

"For fuck sake, stop making the fucking joke," said Chris. "By the way, no. The only way out is to be eliminated. Speaking of which, you better get ready for your first challenge."

"And if we refuse?" asked Edward, before getting electrocuted.

"Basically that," said Chris.

"We could just resist you until we die you know," said Zuko.

"No you can't," said Chris. "See, I know exactly when your body is about to give out, so that's when I stop electrocuting you. At least, until your body can take another thousand volts or so."

"So we're stuck, no matter what we do," said Sabriel.

"Aww, don't look so glum," said Faith. "Now we get to be besties."

"Weren't you on Chris's side?" asked Sabriel.

"So was Rogue," said Faith.

"Not willingly," replied Rogue.

"Enough talk," said Chris. "Challenge time." The wall behind the contestants began to rise, revealing a large room with nothing in it. "For your first challenge, you just need to cross this room."

"That doesn't seem so bad," said Patrick.

"Almost every square inch of the room is booby trapped," said Chris.

"I take it back," said Patrick.

"Though not all of them are bad," said Chris.

"I partially take it back," said Patrick.

"I suppose you're not going to tell us where any of these traps are," said Finn.

"Now why would I do that?" asked Chris. "By the way, the challenge has started."

"What if we just stand here and do nothing?" asked Ponyboy.

"He'll electrocute you," said Lyra.

"Actually, that back wall is closing in on you," said Chris. The contestants turned to see the back wall was indeed coming towards them. "Good luck."

"Come on guys," called Tiffany, running into the danger room.

"Wait, Tiffany," called Sabriel. "You don't know what's…nothing's happening." Tiffany had managed to cross almost to the other side, and nothing had happened.

"Let me try this," said Nora, running after her. She had only taken two steps when suddenly the floor below her exploded. Nora was flung across the room, landing just past the finish line.

"Are you alright?" asked Tiffany, walking up to her.

"How…did you do that…without getting hurt?" asked Nora.

"I ran across between the tiles," said Tiffany. "I figured Chris would set the traps up with pressure pads, and the best place to do that would be under the tiles."

"That…might be true," said Chris.

"You hear that guys?" called Sabriel. "Let's go." The rest of the contestants started following Tiffany and Nora, careful to avoid the actual tiles.

"Hey, no fair," said Chris. "Just for that, I'm putting this room on the earthquake setting." There was a beep, and then the room started to shake. Kenny fell over and landed on a tile, which dropped him down a hole into a pit of acid.

"Oh my God, he killed Kenny," said Ponyboy.

"You bastard," said Saeko.

"Don't worry, I got this," said Elsa. She raised her hands, and a thick layer of ice covered most of the room. "Come on guys, we can't set off a trap if we can't touch the tiles."

"Stop cheating," said Chris. "Zuko, use your fire to melt the ice."

"And why would I do that?" asked Zuko. As soon as he said it, a powerful electric shock went through him. "Okay, fine." Zuko made a punching gesture, and a fireball shot out of his hand. As soon as it made contact with the ice, it melted.

"Very good Zuko," said Chris. "But I was referring to the ice IN FRONT of them."

"I know," said Zuko. "I was giving them time to get out of the danger zone."

Chris glared at him as the remaining contestants crossed the finish line. "Okay, fine, the Guinea Pigs win," said Chris. "Only because Zuko and Kenny didn't finish."

"Kenny's dead," said Kevin.

"Respawn in 5, 4, 3,…" started Chris, just as Kenny appeared with the other contestants. "Damn it Kenny, you timed your respawn wrong."

"Mmf mmfmmf mmf mmf mmf mmf, mmfmf," said Kenny.

"Screw you too," said Chris. "I'll see your team at the elimination ceremony."

 **Confession Cam: Faith**

"I suppose I should vote for Zuko, since he was one of the reasons the team lost, but Kenny died. He should have stayed alive and helped us win."

 **Confession Cam: Edward**

"I want to abstain, but Chris will probably shock me if I do, which is a terrible idea when you have metal limbs. I'll go for Zuko because Kenny died."

 **Confession Cam: Kenny**

"Mmf."

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay, Most of you probably know how this works, but for those of you who don't," said Chris. "There are ten of you sitting there, but only nine marshmallows on this plate."

"What plate?" asked Patrick.

"Hold, I'll get it in a…" started Chris. "That function's broken apparently. Anyway, one of you is getting eliminated. That person is not one of the following: Nora, Kevin, Edward, Patrick, Faith, Tiffany, Rogue, or Sabriel." Chris focused on Zuko and Kenny. "One of you is out of the competition. That person is…Kenny."

"MMFMMF!" yelled Kenny, arms raised in the air in celebration.

"Congratulations Kenny, you're the first to test the Incineration of Shame," said Chris.

"Mmf MMF!?" said Kenny, as the floor opened up underneath him, and closed a second later.

There was a second of shocked silence before anyone spoke. "Oh my God, he killed Kenny," said Rogue.

"You bastard," said Zuko.


	3. Dodgefall

Episode 2: Dodgefall

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House," said Chris, showing flashbacks on the screen. "After explaining to the contestants that they had been chosen for season four of Total Drama, I kindly separated them into two teams so they could compete in the first challenge: crossing a trap filled room. In the end, the Guinea Pigs won, so the Lab Rats voted off Kenny." The shot turned back to Chris. "Who will win this week? Find out right now, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"You made an intro for this? When?" demanded Raven.

"While you were still unconscious," said Chris. "Would have been better if you guys had been awake."

"You don't even realise how creepy that sounds, do you?" asked Hit-Girl.

"It's all part of becoming a computer," said Chris. "GLaDOS here will tell you."

"Indeed," said GLaDOS, dropping down from the ceiling. "Chris, darling, why are there only nineteen of them?"

"Kenny got eliminated, so he's not here anymore," said Chris.

"Ah, okay," said GLaDOS. "How exactly are you eliminating them, by the way?"

"Oh, you'll see," said Chris. "First though, we need to get to our next challenge: Dodgefall."

"Oh good, more probable death," said Patrick.

"Did you expect anything less from me?" asked Chris.

"Let me guess, you want them to play dodgeball in a room full of holes?" asked GLaDOS.

"Indeed I do," said Chris.

"Okay, this is by far one of the most messed up relationships ever," said Edward.

"I don't know, I knew a girl who couldn't sleep with her boyfriend because he'd turn into a psychotic killing machine," said Faith.

"Well, that escalated quickly," said Sabriel.

"Alright, both teams into the next room," said Chris. Nobody moved. "Now, kids."

"If nobody does it, we don't get punished," said Eren. "You can't shock all of us."

"But I can shock one of you," said Chris. Suddenly, Lyra screamed in agony, convulsing violently.

"You son of a bitch. You'd do that to an innocent child?" growled Eren, getting up and moving into the next room.

"That's what I thought," said Chris.

"You would do that to a little girl?" asked GLaDOS.

"I know, it was awesome," said Chris, watching the rest of them walk into the room.

Before entering the room, Tiffany knelt down beside Lyra. "Here," said Tiffany, seeming to pull something away from her shoulder.

Lyra looked up at her. "What did you just do?" asked Lyra.

"I removed your pain," said Tiffany. "It's all sitting right here." Lyra looked, and sitting right above her shoulder was a little orange ball. "Don't think about it," said Tiffany. "The second you do, it comes back."

"HEY! No fraternising with the enemy," said Chris. "Get in the other room and get ready to play." The two girls got up and stood with their respective teams. "Now to show you why it's named Dodgefall." As he said this, several parts of the floor dropped down, causing some contestants to move out of the way. "This floor will randomly go up and down for the duration of the game. If you end up in the down part, you're out. The other team will be throwing dodgeballs at you to try and knock you off. The team who knocks the members of the other one down wins. Any questions?"

"Yeah, I do," said Zuko. "Go fuck yourself."

"Charming," said Chris. "Okay, begin."

Six dodgeballs fell from the roof, three on each side. Ponyboy caught one, and almost fell over with it. "What are these filled with? Lead?" he asked, trying to lift the ball.

"Where would I get lead from?" asked Chris. "No, they're filled with concrete."

"Oh good, for a moment I thought you'd be nice," said Rogue.

"Hey, I take offence to that," said Chris. "I give you the privilege to compete in a friendly competition, and you repay me with insults?"

"In all fairness, you did incinerate Kenny," said Kevin.

"You did what?" asked GLaDOS.

"Hey, you used to do it to the subjects who got to the end of the test," said Chris.

"Yes, but they were at least adults," said GLaDOS.

"About a quarter of these guys are adults," said Chris desperately.

"Chris, I was programmed to kill test subjects. You are doing it for your own sadistic purposes. I'm out of here," said GLaDOS, rising into the ceiling.

"That's odd, she's never acted like this before," said Chris. "Are you guys gonna start or not?"

"About half of us can't lift these, much less throw them," said Stifler.

Chris sighed heavily. "Fine, you can have balls filled with air," said Chris, dropping some regular dodgeballs into the room. "Wimps."

"Let's do this," said Nora, grabbing two and throwing them almost in the same motion. The first caught Eren off-guard, knocking him down a hole. The other was caught by Trunks, who sent the ball right back.

"You guys aren't actually taking this seriously, are you?" asked Saeko, holding one of balls. Before anyone could reply, Saeko deflected an oncoming ball without looking where it came from.

"We're stuck in here Saeko," said Trunks. "No matter what we do, we can't get out."

"And you're just going to give up?" demanded Saeko.

"If you can come up with a way out, by all means do it, but Chris is draining all my power, so I can't help," said Trunks, getting back into the game.

Saeko glared at the ball in her hand, which she was squeezing as hard as she could. "I'll help," said someone behind her. Saeko turned around to see Finn.

"Thank you," she said. "Unfortunately for now, this is all we can do. But together, we might be able to think of something."

"I look forward to working with you," said Finn, grabbing a ball and charging into the game. Before he could throw it however, Edward, Zuko, and Faith each hit him with balls of their own, tripping him up and sending him into the hole. Finn threw his ball to Saeko as he fell, who caught it without breaking stride, and got revenge for Finn by taking out Faith and Zuko.

Stifler managed to grab one of the balls, but before he could do anything the floor below him dropped, eliminating him. Meaning, Elsa was making frozen walls just in front of her, catching any ball that came her way, before throwing them back. Unfortunately, her throws were easily dodged by the other team.

Hit-Girl got her hands on a ball and hurled it straight at Tiffany, knocking her off the small square of floor she was standing on. However…

"Why aren't you falling?" asked Chris.

"I'm choosing not to," said Tiffany.

Chris sighed at this, and after a beeping sound, and section of the ceiling crashed into her, sending her into the pit. "Try that now," said Chris, watching as Kevin and Lyra knocked each other into the hole.

Sabriel threw a ball, and knocked Ponyboy into the hole, only for Trunks to avenge him immediately afterwards. "This is easy," said Trunks, just as Nora bombarded him with three balls, knocking him into the hole.

"You're right, it is easy," said Nora, taking out Saeko and Hit-Girl in one shot.

"Fall," said Raven, knocking Nora down with two balls. Instead of hitting the ground however, Raven used her powers to keep the balls up, taking Patrick and Rogue out too. However, as Raven prepared to win the match, several balls smacked into her and knocked her into the hole.

"It's all up to me now," said Elsa, as the first ball flew at her. As she prepared to freeze it though, the floor where she was standing fell, leaving Edward as the only remaining competitor.

"And Edward wins it for the Lab Rats," said Chris. "Guinea Pigs, I'll see you at the Elimination Ceremony."

"Awesome, I won," said Edward, standing next to a cannon.

"Edward, did you make your own balls to fire out of the cannon that you also made?" asked Chris.

"Would you object if I did?" asked Edward.

"Nope," said Chris.

About half an hour later, Elsa was heading towards to Confession Cam to cast her vote. "Elsa, wait," called someone. Elsa turned around to see Tiffany coming up to her. "Listen, I think I have a plan to get us out of here, but it's a bit risky, especially for you."

"What have you got in mind?" asked Elsa. Tiffany leaned in next to Elsa and whispered something into her ear. "Whoa, are you serious?" she asked.

"I know it sounds crazy…" started Tiffany.

"To be honest, I don't like your idea, and I think it will fail," said Elsa. "But since our fates are the same either way, I might as well try it."

Later, at the Elimination Ceremony…

"Alright contestants, nine theoretical marshmallows, but there are ten of you," said Chris. "That means one of you is leaving tonight. That person will not be Trunks, Stifler, Saeko, Raven, Ponyboy, Lyra, Hit-Girl, or Finn." Chris focused on Eren and Elsa. "That means one of you two is taking a one way incineration out of here. And that one is…Elsa."

Elsa looked at him, horrified. "What, but…" started Elsa.

"Hey, I'm not the one who lost the challenge for your team," said Chris. "Also, don't think I didn't see your little meeting with Tiffany in the hall. Thinking you can escape. HA! Time for you to take the Incineration of Shame."

"Incinerate this," said Elsa, suddenly summoning up a large amount of ice. The ice formed a large sphere around her, just as the floor opened up to reveal a large fire pit. Elsa kept up her ice magic, until she disappeared through the floor.

"I just did," said Chris. "See you guys next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	4. Gassed Up

Episode 3: Gassed Up

Chris appears on a TV screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "After GLaDOS dumped me like her Morality Core was reinstalled, the two teams got to play a game of Dodgefall. At the end of the game, Edward and his cannon were the last two standing, so the Guinea Pigs had to eliminate someone, that someone being Elsa." The screen cuts back to Chris. "Who will fall this time? Found out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"How do we keep waking up a week later?" asked Lyra. "Or is this another 'it's a fanfic, don't ask questions' thing?"

"Actually, I just gas you to sleep," said Chris. "Speaking of which, challenge time."

"You could have worded that better," said Hit-Girl.

"No I couldn't, because today's challenge involves gas, and lots of it," said Chris.

"And I thought this show was above that," said Patrick.

"Puh-lease," said Chris. "Anyway, your challenge is to avoid being gassed."

"And I assume it's just some kind of sleeping gas that'll knock us out until the challenge is over?" asked Tiffany.

"Well, yeah, but also numerous other ones, some of which may be fatal," said Chris.

"I want to be surprised at this. I really do," said Rogue.

"By the way, the challenge started as soon as you woke up, so…yeah. Good luck," said Chris, logging off.

"God damn it Chris," said Zuko, covering his mouth with the upper part of his shirt.

"What do we do?" asked Ponyboy.

"Cover your mouth and find somewhere as far from the vents as possible," said Trunks.

"Pfft, you guys are idiots," said Stifler. "About half of you have some kind of super power. Why not use it to put the vents out of action?"

"Because Chris will have something planned for when we do that," said Edward.

"Wimps," said Stifler. "Watch and learn." Stifler walked over to Finn, and grabbed his sword before he could do anything. Stifler lifted the sword over his head and swung up one of the vents. "HIIIYA!" As Stifler struck the vent, it opened up and blasted him with a thick blast of gas.

"Now you see why we didn't do anything," said Edward.

"I don't think he can hear you," said Finn, reclaiming his sword. "I'm pretty sure he's unconscious."

"Guys, that vent hasn't closed," said Saeko. "And it hasn't slowed its rate of…ergh…" Before Saeko could finish, she slumped over and passed out.

"This is…bad," said Sabriel between coughs. "The younger ones are out cold, even Hit-Girl."

"Even Nora's gone," said Eren.

"Actually, she never woke up," said Faith. "She's been asleep the whole time."

"What? How?" coughed Raven, passing out.

"Does anyone think they can do anything?" asked Zuko as Tiffany and Patrick passed out.

"I'm gonna try and transmute some kind of shield around us, though I don't know if it'll work," said Edward. He clapped his hands and smacked them against the ground hard. Blue sparks shot up, but nothing happened. "No good," he wheezed, falling unconscious.

"Trunks, how are you holding up?" asked Finn. "Trunks?" Finn looked over, and saw Trunks passed out next to him. "No way," he said, passing out himself.

"Even a Super Saiyan like him can't hold on," said Zuko, falling over on top of Sabriel's unconscious body.

"Alright kid, it's down to…you, me and…her," spluttered Faith, falling over.

"And you're out," said Eren, following suit.

"And Rogue wins it for the Lab Rats," said Chris. "Guinea Pigs, decide now who you're going to eliminate." Chris waited a few seconds for a reply. "I should probably turn that gas off."

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay contestants," said Chris. "Nine of you are in the room, but soon there will be eight. Who will I be getting rid of? Well, it won't be Ponyboy, Lyra, Raven, Finn, Eren, Hit-Girl, or Trunks." Chris focuses on Stifler and Saeko. "That means it's one of you two. Stifler, you wrecked the vent and poisoned everyone faster. Saeko, you…I don't know. Stifler just voted for you for some reason. Anyway, Stifler's out of here."

"Just to clarify: it's not a real incineration, is it?" asked Stifler, as the floor below him opened up.

"You tell me," said Chris, who then looked at the floor in front of Stifler's seat. "Hey, what was…huh."

"What?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Nothing, I thought I saw something," said Chris. "Speaking of something, maybe that's what the next episode of Total Drama Chris's Fun House will actually contain."


	5. Boom! Shake the Room (Will Smith, Please

Episode 4: Boom! Shake the Room (Will Smith, Please Don't Sue Me)

Chris's head appears on a monitor. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "I locked the contestants in a room and gassed them. It was fun. Anyway, Rogue was the last one standing, so the Guinea Pigs had to vote someone out. They chose Stifler, who kinda wrecked one of the vents and made the challenge go a lot faster than it should have. So you can blame him for the seven hundred or so word chapter. In any case, no big loss." The scene cuts back to Chris. "What fun do I have in store for them today? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

Nora started to stir, then woke up. "Hey guys, what did I miss?" she asked.

"We got gassed, and Stifler was eliminated," said Tiffany.

"You went through an entire challenge without me?" said Nora. "I'm hurt, angry, hungry, though that last one isn't your fault…"

"So, what's in store for us this time?" asked Kevin.

"Something that will leave you SHAKING," replied Chris.

"Oh good, an earthquake challenge," said Raven.

"Hey, come on, I had like twenty more puns ready to use," said Chris.

"Chris, it is ten minutes to ten on Wednesday night, Kieran's only written this far, we don't have time for this bullshit," said Hit-Girl.

"Wow, okay, this is bad even for him," said Chris. "Yes, your challenge has to do with earthquakes. You are now locked in what I believe is the most faulty room in the building. I'm gonna turn on the earthquake function, last team to have someone conscious wins."

"Are all the challenges gonna be a test of who can stay alive?" asked Sabriel.

"No," said Chris. "They will be about who can stay conscious. Why would I kill you before your elimination? It would end the season too soon."

"You mean the season that isn't really a season because you're just imprisoning us?" asked Zuko.

"Yeah, that one," said Chris. "Now, DUCK AND COVER!" The room shook violently, and several chunks of the roof fell down towards the contestants.

"GET DOWN!" yelled Trunks, knocking Finn, Saeko, and Eren to the ground. As they lay there, Trunks hovered over them and deflected several large chunks of roof.

"Careful Trunks, those things look heavy," said Finn.

"Finn, I have got to be the strongest person here," said Trunks. "There's no way a little bit of plaster and metal…" Before he could finish speaking, a large chunk of the roof fell down on top of Trunks.

"Grab him and hold it up," commanded Saeko, which Eren followed without question. "Is he okay?"

"He's out cold," said Eren. "Some powerful being he turned out to be."

"We need to find a way to stop ourselves being crushed," said Saeko. "Finn, is there anything to hold this up with?"

"Well, we could try…" started Finn, just as his arms were smacked with a large metal rod. "What the? What are you doing?"

"Yeah, sorry," said Faith. "But we're in competition, and it would be a shame for you to win, so…"

"I thought we were all in this together to stop Chris," growled Saeko.

"Oh boo hoo," said Faith, smacking Saeko's arms. "Do you think any of us are getting out of here alive? Might as well try and kiss up to him now and hope he takes mercy on you." Faith turned her attention to Eren, and knocked his arms out from holding the rock, which fell on top of the three of them.

"You're gonna pay for that," growled Raven, eyes glowing red, black and purple shadows swirling behind her.

"Bring it on, gothy," said Faith, pointing her weapon at Raven. Raven growled, and unleashed several black balls at Faith, which she managed to either block or dodge. "Hey Chris, you getting this energy?" asked Faith.

"Indeed I am. Thank you Faith and Raven," said Chris, as the room shook even more violently.

"Oh crap," cursed Raven, suddenly remembering that Chris had been absorbing their energies as Faith knocked her out.

Across the room, Edward heard a scream. He turned to see Lyra trapped under a large chunk of the roof. "Hang on kid," he called, dodging and ducking his way over to her. As he stood over her, he noticed another chunk of the roof falling towards them. Bracing for impact, Edward clapped his hands and held them above his head.

Lyra watched in horrified fascination as the piece of metal that was the ceiling landed in Edward's hands and became a kind of alcove for them to take shelter. "Thanks," said Lyra. "But aren't we…"

"On different teams?" finished Edward. "Yeah, I know. Thing is, you're only a kid, and you're a part of some adult delusional fantasy."

"Sadly not the first time that's happened to me," said Lyra.

"Us older kids need to look out for you youngsters," said Edward. "Speaking of which, I wonder where Kevin is."

"Buried under several feet of rubble, like you should be," said Faith.

"What are you talking about?" asked Edward.

"I'm talking about how you're a traitor, helping someone from the other team," said Faith.

"Oh yeah? So you'd just let this kid die then, is that it?" demanded Edward. "Well let me tell you Faith, you…" Whatever Edward intended to say was cut off as Faith smacked him with her metal rod.

"Noisy little twerp, wasn't he?" said Faith, turning back to Lyra. "Now, what do I do with you?"

"You're just going to kill me, aren't you?" said Lyra.

"What? No, I don't do that," said Faith. "Well, not on purpose. No, I'm just gonna knock you out so my team can win."

"PAN! Help," called Lyra. Out of her shirt popped Pan in his ferret form, who jumped at Faith while turning into a lion.

"Oh please," said Faith, grabbing Pan and lifting him up by the tail. Faith then noticed the shocked look on Lyra's face. "Aww, what's wrong sweetie? Don't like it when I do this?" Faith began to shake Pan around by his tail, with Lyra seeming to be trying her hardest not to scream.

"Alright, that's enough. Let Pan go," said Ponyboy.

"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?" demanded Faith.

"Nothing. He is," said Ponyboy, pointing out Patrick behind her, who grabbed Faith's arms before prying her fingers away from Pan's tail.

"Hey, come on, you're meant to be on my team," said Faith.

"Yeah, I don't know what's going through Lyra's mind right know, but it doesn't look like it's anything good," said Patrick. "Now, out you go." Patrick pushed Faith out into the raining debris, where she was caught by surprise by a large piece of sheet metal.

"Are you okay Lyra?" asked Ponyboy, lifting the piece of the roof off of Lyra. Lyra wiped away another tear, then threw herself into Ponyboy's chest, still sobbing. "It's okay now…" he started to say, just as the shelter Edward created started to collapse.

"Is there anyone from the other team left?" asked Rogue.

"Just Hit-Girl," said Sabriel. "In other words, they're still well and truly in this."

"Not if I can help it," said Nora, bringing out her hammer. Hit-Girl drew one of her katanas, and blocked Nora's first swing.

"Why did he let them keep their weapons?" asked Tiffany.

"Better question: what do we do about that?" asked Zuko, as the remainder of the roof came crashing towards them.

"We hope that Nora knocks out Hit-Girl so that Chris ends this challenge before we die," said Tiffany, just as Hit-Girl's body flew past her. "Kind of like that."

"And the Lab Rats win again," said Chris as the large piece of the roof stopped where it was. "Guinea Pigs, when you wake up, you'll need to vote someone else."

"You realise they can't hear you right?" asked Sabriel.

"They might have heard me," said Chris.

Later at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay, so apparently none of you heard me earlier," said Chris. "So I'm just gonna get rid of one of you randomly."

"I volunteer," said Raven.

"I said random," said Chris.

"And I said I volunteer," said Raven.

"I choose…Lyra," said Chris. Lyra gasped as the floor opened up beneath her…

…only for Raven to swoop in, and throw her out of the way. "RAVEN, STOP!" cried Lyra.

"Kid, you stay safe until someone gets you out of here, okay?" said Raven, dropping into the floor. The hole sealed with an ominous bang, and the room was silent.

"Okay, well, that happened," said Chris. "And more will happen next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	6. If No-one's Super, Everyone Is

Episode 5: If No-one's Super, Everyone Is

Chris's head appears on a monitor. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "I shake the room just the tiniest bit, and suddenly all the contestants start panicking. Wimps. Anyway, Faith showed her true colours by almost killing half the players, both on her team and against it. At the end, the Guinea Pigs won, and despite the fact that I decided Lyra should go, Raven took her place." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Who's the next contestant to go? Find out now, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Okay kids, you ready for your next challenge?" asked Chris.

"Is anyone ever ready to be executed?" asked Eren.

"Excellent. Your challenge today is to see who can survive the longest," said Chris.

"You mean keep doing what we've been doing this whole time?" asked Sabriel.

"But this time there's a twist," said Chris, ignoring her. "This time you can't use your weapons or powers to defend yourself."

"In some cases that doesn't quite work," said Trunks. "My physical strength is far beyond any human…"

"Which is why you got KO'd so easily in the last challenge," said Faith.

"Don't you talk, your strength is inbuilt too," said Saeko.

"Yeah, for those cases, I had something in mind," said Chris.

"Like what?" asked Rogue.

"This," said Chris, opening a couple of wall panels. Two syringes being held by metal claws shot out, straight into Faith's and Rogue's arms. The two girls swayed for a moment, then collapsed.

"What about Trunks?" asked Patrick. "Isn't he good enough to be drugged?"

"Well, like Faith said, his power doesn't seem to be anywhere near what it supposedly is," said Chris.

"Yeah, what's the deal with that?" asked Ponyboy.

"I…I don't know," said Trunks. "For some reason I'm nowhere near my peak. But except after taking heavy damage in battle or training, a Saiyan is always at his peak."

"Face it kid, you're nowhere near as powerful as you think you are," said Chris. "Now, DODGE!" Two panels in the floor opened up, revealing a pair of turrets.

"Hello," said the turrets in unison, locking onto Kevin and Lyra.

"Oh, you can't be serious," said Finn, running to Lyra.

"Kevin, get down," called Zuko, charging for the turret. The two turrets began to open fire, just as Zuko kicked the one locked onto Kevin into the one locked unto Lyra. "Everyone okay?" he asked.

"I'm hit," said Finn. "Luckily it's just my metal arm. Ed can fix it later."

"Yeah, no problem," said Edward.

"What about after I do this?" asked Chris. The roof opened up, and a large amount of blue slime dropped on them.

"What is this stuff?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Repulsion Gel," said Edward. "Chris has used this on me before."

"Remember, don't eat any of it," said Chris. "I don't know what it is, but it hates the human skeleton."

"Aww," said Nora, putting down a handful of it. "So what does it actually do?" Nora leaned back against a wall covered in the gel, and was immediately flung across to the other side of the room, crashing into another gel soaked wall.

"That, apparently," said Tiffany. "Everyone keep still so you don't accidentally…" There was a loud crash, and suddenly Kevin flew right past Tiffany's head.

"Sorry," he called, crashing into Lyra.

"Is everyone going to get stuck bouncing around the room?" asked Lyra.

"I hope so. I'm about to mix in some Propulsion Gel to it," said Chris. The roof opened again, and a small amount of orange gel dropped into the blue. "This is gonna be fun."

Nora slammed into another wall, but flew back across the room faster than before, taking Eren, Ponyboy, and Trunks with her. "Oops…" she said, trying to avoid Saeko, and failing.

"We gotta stop this," said Zuko, ducking under Kevin, but slipping in the process.

"You can use your powers to save yourself," said Chris. "Then the challenge will end and I'll incinerate someone."

"Fuck you," said Hit-Girl, jumping on the spot. As she landed, she aimed her body at the screen Chris was talking from. Hit-Girl held one fist out in front of her as she hurtled towards the screen bracing for impact…

…and bounced off, the screen unaffected.

"Silly Mindy, did you really think it'd be that easy?" asked Chris.

"One of us will be the death of you," said Hit-Girl as she bounced away. "And it will be the most glorious day ever."

"Pfft, I'd like to see you try," said Chris. "Now, since you guys seem to be resisting, I'm going to throw a few more turrets in there."

"We'll take them out again," said Zuko.

"And I'll bring in more," said Chris. "Sooner or later one of them will fire a bullet, which will join you in bouncing around the super charged Repulsion Gel."

"You don't want to kill us yet," said Finn.

"That is true," said Chris. "Luckily I can bring you back if you haven't taken the Incineration of Shame. Now, let's bring in that turret."

"Someone, do something," called Lyra.

"On it," said Edward, clapping his hands together. He slammed them into the ground and cleared a circle around him.

"And Edward has forfeited his team. The Guinea Pigs win," said Chris. "Lab Rats, see you at elimination."

"Edward, what did you do that for?" demanded Sabriel.

"We're trying to avoid having one of the kids hurt, right?" asked Edward. "We needed to end that challenge before Chris ensured it. Besides, we need to get rid of Faith after what she did."

"Yeah, that's right, she tried to get several of us killed in the last challenge," said Patrick. "She's on Chris's side. We need to get rid of her."

"Yeah, okay, I'll let this slide," said Sabriel.

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay, the votes are in, and I've counted them," said Chris. "The following people are safe: Kevin, Nora, Patrick, Rogue, Sabriel, Tiffany, and Zuko." Chris then focused on Edward and Faith. "Now for one of you the votes were nearly unanimous, and the other just got one vote. I decided I'd go with the one with one vote, so Edward is eliminated."

"WHAT?!" yelled every Lab Rat, including Faith.

"Hey now, settle down, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation," said Chris. "Faith is going to make this whole thing so much more fun, so I decided to ignore what you guys said and only counted Faith's vote."

"So you've rigged the contest," demanded Edward.

"Call it what you want, you're out of here," said Chris, opening a hole in the floor which swallowed Edward.

"NO! Edward," cried Tiffany, trying to grab him, but missing.

"So now Edward's gone. Who will go next time? Find out next time on Total…what's wrong with that seat?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Tiffany.

"…never mind. It's probably nothing," said Chris.


	7. One Reason

Episode 6: One Reason

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "The contestants were made to survive without the use of their powers or weapons, so I had to get rid of Faith and Rogue from the get go. Things got progressively worse, until Edward decided enough was enough and ended the challenge. Then, even though Faith was the most voted character, Edward was eliminated, because where's the fun in not having a villain?" The camera cut back to Chris. "Who will go this time? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Alright, time for your challenge kids," said Chris.

"So you can then ignore our votes to eliminate whoever you want again?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Hey, that only happened once so far," said Chris. "But yes. And the best part is that there's nothing you can do about it."

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Kevin.

"Don't worry, you won't be killed until after the challenge," said Chris. "Which is this." A wall lifted up to reveal an elaborate racecourse.

"What the hell is that?" asked Saeko.

"I'm borrowing this course from Deadman Wonderland, which you will be racing across," said Chris.

"No points for guessing which part of that name we're not thrilled by," said Patrick.

"Huh, and here I thought you'd like something about Wonder," said Chris. "Well, anyway, get ready to race."

"Can't you explain what the course will be like?" asked Finn.

"I think the word Deadman is plenty explanation," said Eren.

"And…GO!" yelled Chris. The contestants stayed where they were. "I'll electrocute you if you don't move," he said.

"DO IT," challenged Faith. "JUST DO IT!"

"With double electrocution for Kevin and Lyra," said Chris.

"Let's go guys," said Sabriel, waving for her team to follow her.

"Okay, so what's our first obstacle?" asked Tiffany.

"Those," said Zuko, pointing at the large axes swinging right above their heads.

"And he says he doesn't want to kill us yet," said Ponyboy.

"Don't worry, I replaced the axes with foam look-a-likes," said Chris. "Or did I just mean to do that? Whatever, you'll probably be fine."

"Stay low guys," said Trunks. "I'll…"

"Do what? Get cut in half trying to catch one of them?" asked Faith. "Face it, even if you manage to do anything, Chris will absorb all that kinetic energy and use it for himself. Not that that's a bad thing."

"Shut up you kiss ass," said Rogue.

"Don't side with him Rogue, he's not on our team," said Faith. "You don't want him finding out, do you?"

"Finding out what?" asked Lyra.

"Uh-uh, not for your ears sweetie," said Faith, wrapping an arm around Rogue. "Come, we have another challenge to win."

"Do you know what she's talking about?" Trunks asked Nora.

"Nope," she replied. "We try not to associate with her. She's kind of a bitch."

"That said, I'm sure that Rogue isn't with her by choice," said Tiffany. "I think we need to investigate."

"Count me in," said Zuko. "But first, we need to get through this. Let's go."

The contestants began running through the hall of swinging axes, ducking and weaving between them, when Hit-Girl was caught off-guard. She flew across the hall and landed just off the course.

"HIT-GIRL!" yelled Finn, running over to her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," said Hit-Girl, getting up. "Looks like Chris did get the foam replacements." Just as she got to her feet, she was knocked back down again by a sudden barrage of paintballs.

"We have lost out first two contestants," said Chris. "And their punishment is paintballs."

"You didn't shoot me," said Finn.

"Thanks for reminding me," said Chris. "Get him boys." Some kind of robotic bird in a guard's outfit began shooting Finn, causing his arm to spark a little. However, Finn was too busy getting shot to notice.

"Guys, I think we should throw the challenge," said Nora.

"Why?" asked Tiffany.

"We need to get rid of Faith. She's too supportive of Chris," said Nora.

"But if we vote her off, she'll survive because of Chris," said Zuko.

"Maybe, but…" started Nora, just as an axe collected the three of them. The bird guards opened fire before they hit the ground.

"Alright, ten of you still left," said Chris. "Let's see how you survive those arrows."

"What arr…" started Patrick, getting knocked off the field by the flying arrow.

"Alright, I know what to do," said Faith, grabbing Lyra and Kevin and holding them up either side of her.

"Hey, what are you doing?" demanded Kevin.

"I need a shield," said Faith.

"Put him down," said Sabriel.

"Oh yeah? You and what army?" asked Faith.

"Me," said Sabriel, tackling her. Faith, in her surprise, dropped the two kids. "You two, run or drop out. I don't care which." Sabriel wrestled with Faith, and the two soon rolled over the edge.

"Okay," said Lyra and Kevin in unison, turning to run before getting knocked over by the arrows.

"I wish real arrows didn't kill you as easily," said Chris. "It's so boring having these blunt things. Well, five of you left, but only one of you from the Lab Rats. Let's move you straight to the final stage, should we?"

"Hey, Rogue," said Trunks. "What was Faith talking about earlier?"

"I…" started Rogue.

"…will not be telling you, because the challenge is starting," said Chris. "You see this ball? Last one holding it when the floor stops dropping into the spike pit wins." A black ball fell from the ceiling and landed on the floor.

"Alright, let's…where's Rogue?" asked Ponyboy.

"Down here," she called. "I forfeit."

"But…I didn't say you could forfeit," said Chris.

"Too bad. I just did," said Rogue.

"Aww, come on. This is the only part of the challenge I didn't change," said Chris. "Fine, whatever. Guinea Pigs win. Lab Rats, see you tonight at elimination."

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Alright, you know how it works," said Chris. "Seven imaginary marshmallows, eight of you…"

"Except that it doesn't matter how we vote, you'll just do whatever Faith says," said Zuko.

"True, that is the case," said Chris. "Faith, who do you want to eliminate?"

"Sabriel, because she got me eliminated from the challenge," said Faith.

"Well, you heard her," said Chris. "Say goodb…"

"WAIT!" yelled Kevin. "Take me."

"No Kevin," said Sabriel. "You're too young to…"

"To what? Die?" demanded Kevin. "Whatever happens here, I'm probably going to die either way. You guys shouldn't have to be keeping an eye on me the whole time. I might as well get out of here now."

"Well, you heard him," said Chris, opening a trapdoor beneath Kevin.

"No, WAIT!" cried Sabriel, reaching for Kevin and missing. She looked after him in horror, then in slight confusion.

"What's wrong?" asked Chris.

"Nothing, just…nothing," said Sabriel.

"Are you hiding something from me?" asked Chris.

"Like what?" asked Sabriel.

"I don't know," said Chris. "Maybe we'll find out in the next Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	8. Back From the Dead

Episode 7: Back From the Dead

Chris's face appeared on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House…err, what did actually happen? Oh yeah." Shots from the previous episode started to play. "Thanks to our good friends at Deadman Wonderland, we got to borrow their obstacle course for the contestants to play on. Unfortunately we had to make a few adjustments in order to make it safe…r, but it was otherwise unaltered. I might need to keep an eye on Tiffany, Nora, and Zuko, who seem to be in some sort of alliance, and Faith hinted at some kind of secret between her and Rogue. Speaking of which, she decided to forfeit the challenge, which led to another victory by the Guinea Pigs, and Kevin's subsequent elimination." The scene cuts back to Chris. "So, who will be eliminated after our unexpected break? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"So, who's up for a challenge?" asked Chris.

"Like we have a choice," said Saeko.

"Excellent. Bring in the corpses," said Chris, as a door opened to reveal a bunch of body bags.

"Those better not be for us," said Patrick.

"They might," said Chris. "But first they need to be emptied." As if on cue, one of the bags started moving, and began to rip. "Inside each of these bags is someone you know who died. So, I reanimated them so you could fight them. First team to beat all their dead friends and family wins. Enjoy."

"Wait, I don't even know any dead people," said Nora. "Unless I know Tukson. Do I know Tukson? Probably not. Maybe it's Penny."

Suddenly, the moving body bag burst open, and a man with pointy black hair immediately attacked Trunks. "Fa-father," said Trunks, barely dodging a punch, only to be kneed in the stomach.

"Shut up and fight me, boy," said Vegeta, picking Trunks up by the hair and throwing him across the room.

"Oh, as if he could kill anyone, much less his father," said Faith.

"I wouldn't say that. I mean, could you kill your own father?" came a voice from behind her.

Faith gasped as she saw who spoke. "You," said Faith, staring in disbelief at Mayor Wilkins.

"Now Faith, no need to act so surprised," Wilkins replied. "Nice Mr. McLean there was kind enough to bring back some old friends for you guys, you should show some respect."

"Buffy killed you once, and I'm way better than her," said Faith, tackling the mayor.

"Tsk tsk," said Mayor Wilkins. "You weren't around to see my Ascension. Let me show you what it was like." His body shook, and suddenly he grew scaly, and his arms and legs merged into his new serpent-like body.

"Bring it, Wilky," said Faith, drawing a knife and charging at him.

Meanwhile…

"Guys, I need protection," said Sabriel.

"Why? Is your fight going to be particularly dangerous?" asked Tiffany.

"No, it's just my father," said Sabriel. "In fact, he's standing right here."

"Hello," said Terciel.

"So what's the problem?" asked Tiffany.

"The dead need to stay dead," said Sabriel. "And we can send them back. But we'll need to cross over into Death to do so. Our physical bodies will still be here, but we'll be completely defenceless. We can put up a protective ring, but that can only take so much before it breaks down, and Chris will probably catch on way before we're finished. So, can anyone protect us?"

"Alright, I'm in," said Tiffany.

"Me too," said Zuko.

"Do I get to beat the shit out of people?" asked Nora.

"Absolutely," said Sabriel.

"Count me in," said Nora, lifting her hammer.

"Okay, here goes," said Terciel, drawing his sword and making a diamond shape around himself and Sabriel. A glowing mark appeared at each point of the diamond, and soon a wall appeared around them. "Are you ready Sabriel?" he asked.

"Yes father," said Sabriel. She closed her eyes, and suddenly she seemed frozen, as did her father.

"Good luck with…whatever you're doing," said Tiffany.

Meanwhile, in Death…

"Do you feel that?" asked Terciel.

"I do," said Sabriel, pulling out Saraneth, a bell that binds the hearer to the wielder's will. "All the dead that Chris is using for the challenge."

"Remember Sabriel, some of the people out there are much more powerful than a normal human," said Terciel. "And I need to be sent back to Death as well."

"I know," said Sabriel sadly.

"I'll draw them to us, you send them off," said Terciel. "I'll try to hang on long enough for you to send off everyone."

"Gotcha," said Sabriel, readying herself.

Back in the land of the living, Patrick had found his opponent. "Hi grandpa," he said, just as the old man disappeared. "Bye grandpa."

"Hey, what just happened?" demanded Chris, as a couple of the other dead people he'd summoned disappeared. "Who's doing this?" Chris looked around furiously until he saw Sabriel. "Oh, you two are so dead," said Chris. "And not just because you actually are, Terciel. Hey, you, get over here."

"I have a name you know," said the person Chris called over.

"Whatever, just do your job and attack Nora," said Chris.

"And why should I do that?" asked the person.

"Because if you do, you'll actually have a voice in Volume 3," said Chris.

The person glared at him. "I fucking hate you," he said, running at Nora.

Meanwhile, most of the Guinea Pigs were finished their fights.

"There, that takes care of my dad," said Finn.

"Same," said Eren. "I mean my dad, not…"

"I know what you meant," said Finn. "How are Hit-Girl and Saeko going?"

"Don't worry about us," said Saeko, blocking a bullet with her wooden kendo sword. "Worry about Lyra."

Eren and Finn turned to see Lyra cowering under a woman with a golden monkey. "Let's go," said Eren, drawing one of his swords.

"Lyra darling, I'm not going to hurt you," said the woman. "We can be together forever, you and me."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Lyra.

"But Lyra…" started the woman.

"Didn't you hear her? She said go away," said Pan, turning into a dragon. The woman took a step back as Pan breathed fire on her, turning her to ash in an instant.

"Huh, maybe we weren't needed," said Finn.

"Well, I'm done," said Ponyboy.

"Yeah, thanks to me," said Hit-Girl, returning her katana to its sheath.

"So that leaves Trunks, who I'm pretty sure we can't help, and Saeko," said Lyra. "And she's fighting…Tallahasse?"

Meanwhile, with the Lab Rats…

"Sorry Cody," said Rogue, putting her gloves back on.

"Aww, don't feel so bad girl," said Faith. "He was already dead."

"Yeah, I guess," said Rogue sadly. "Hey, what happened to your guy?"

"The mayor? He suddenly vanished," said Faith. "Speaking of which, what are those guys doing?"

"Well, Sabriel appears to be frozen with her dad, Zuko appears to be beating his dad, Tiffany is casually talking to her grandmother, and…I have never seen Nora look so horrified," said Faith.

Sure enough, Nora was staring in horror at the person Chris had picked for her. "Ren?!" she said. "But…you're not…"

"Sorry Nora, but Chris promised me a voice in Volume 3 if I do this," said Ren, pulling out StormFlower.

"Shippers, forgive me," said Nora, swinging Magnhild. Ren fired off a few shots, but Nora's swing was too much. Ren's body collapsed on the floor, his head bouncing several feet away. "There, are you fucking happy Chris?"

"Extremely," said Chris with a smirk on his face.

Nora glared at him as she saw Ozai and Granny Aching getting pulled into a void. "I think they're nearly done," said Nora, going back to help Sabriel.

"Not if I can help it," said Chris. "Vegeta?"

"Yeah, yeah, just as soon as I finish with the boy," he said, not even looking in Chris's direction.

"At this rate, that won't be possible," said Chris. "You corpses are being pulled back into death."

"I don't feel any…wait, what's…" started Vegeta, as he suddenly disappeared from the world of the living.

"That's the last of them," said Sabriel, raising Saraneth.

"YOU! Send me back. I'm not done fighting," said Vegeta, sending an energy ball at Sabriel.

Sabriel gasped as Clariel jumped in front of the blast. "Sabriel, bind him NOW!" he yelled. "I'll take him with me."

"Yes father," said Sabriel, swinging the bell nice and loud.

"Oh no you don't," said Vegeta, charging at her. Clariel dived in front of him, stopping his progress.

"You will travel through Death, until you are beyond the Ninth Gate," said Sabriel, in a voice that commanded on arguments.

"I…I…will," said Vegeta through gritted teeth, trying to turn around, and failing. Following him was her own father.

"Goodbye, my dear daughter," he said. "Kick Chris ass for me."

"I will father," she responded as the two of them went beyond the First Gate. Sabriel turned around and returned to life.

"You did it Sabriel," said Tiffany. "Good work."

"Yeah, except she cost you the challenge," said Chris. "Terciel was the last to go, so the Lab Rats lose this round."

"Sorry guys," said Sabriel.

"Don't worry, we won't hold it against you," said Zuko.

"Oh, but I will," said Faith. "Right Rogue?"

"Uhh…yeah," said Rogue hesitantly.

"Good girl. Come along, we have voting to do," said Faith.

 **Confession Cam: Rogue**

"I don't want to vote for Sabriel, but I don't want to betray Faith. Oh God, I hate having this secret."

 **Confession Cam: Zuko**

"Faith is a psychopath, and I know how destructive psychopaths can be. We have to get rid of her."

 **Confession Cam: Nora**

"Chris, you're going down for what you made me do to Ren."

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay campers, there are seven of you left. Six of you are safe. One is not," said Chris. "The question is: which one? Well, the following people are safe…"

"Wait," said Nora. "I volunteer."

"Nora, what are you doing?" demanded Sabriel.

"I'm taking down Chris from the inside. Send me into the incinerator," said Nora.

"Well, if that's what you want," said Chris. "I mean, Faith lost this round, but if you want out…"

"Wait, what?" said Nora as the hole opened up beneath her.

"Well, there's another one gone," said Chris. "Who will be next? Stay tuned for next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House. Whenever that ends up being."

 **Author's note: Sorry this took so long to come out. Real life basically piled more and more shit on to me and I had to keep pushing this further and further back. As it is, I'm not sure these will be weekly as they used to be. They'll be whenever I finish them. And since I've decided I'm going to be doing one chapter of this, then one chapter of Harry Potter Abridged, it'll take a while before I finish this. But I am hoping to have a lot of new stuff come out this year, which I look forward to sharing with you all, and hope this has been worth the wait.**


	9. Cut Down to Size

Episode 8: Cut Down to Size

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Shots from the previous episode start playing. "After having an unnecessarily long break, we came back with an episode where the contestants were forced to fight their dead loved ones. No, Nora did NOT fight Pyrrha…SPOILER ALERT! Anyway, Sabriel decided to cheat by sending all my hard earned revivals back into Death, leading to her team losing, and Nora being incinerated." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Who's on the chopping block for today? Like, in a literal sense? Find out right here, right now, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"I should clean out the incinerator," said Chris. "The charred remains of seven bodies do tend to get a bit whiffy." A few things beeped, then Chris looked confused. "Huh, would have thought there'd be a bit more in there."

"Maybe your incinerator's just that powerful?" suggested Faith.

"Maybe. I'm not so sure," said Chris, looking at Tiffany. "Faith dear, keep an eye on her."

"Already on it," said Faith. "Should I get Rogue to…"

"Sure, it might slow her down a bit," said Chris. "In the meantime, let's get to your next challenge."

"You should wake the rest of the contestants first," said Faith.

"Yeah, it'll be more entertaining watching them trying to save themselves when they're actually awake," said Chris. There were a couple of beeping sounds, then the sleeping contestants started waking up. "Hey kids, ready for today's challenge?" he asked.

"Go fuck yourself," said Zuko.

"Excellent, let's get started shall we?" said Chris, lifting a wall to reveal a room full of knives, swords, and other assorted blades.

"Sword fighting?" asked Sabriel. "Well, most of us have experience with that, so…"

"Not quite right," said Chris. "You see, the thing about these swords is that they…" As he spoke, the swords rose from the floor and hovered threateningly above the contestants. "Well, that. The contestant who avoids getting cut wins for their team. The contestant who gets cut first from their team is eliminated. Ready?"

"No," said Lyra.

"Good. Let's go," said Chris, as the sword flew at the contestants.

Lyra closed her eyes tight as a sword flew towards her, only to hear the sound of metal on metal. She opened her eyes to see Sabriel knocking the sword away with her own blade. "Thanks," said Lyra.

"No problem," said Sabriel, wiping her brow. As she lowered her hand, she saw a thin line of red.

"Oh no," said Lyra. "You cut yourself defending me. You're not even on my team."

"It doesn't matter," said Sabriel. "It just means I have more time to protect you." As she said this, Sabriel swung her sword and knocked a knife away.

"Thank you," said Lyra, backing into a corner to avoid as many swords as possible.

"Traitor," yelled Faith, grabbing a passing sword and swinging at Sabriel. Sabriel blocked the blow, but Faith swung her leg out and tripped her. "Now Lyra, let's fix this…"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" yelled Finn, charging in and tackling Faith to the ground. Faith easily threw him off and gained her feet.

"That was inconvenient," said Faith. "Now, where was I? Oh yes…" Just as Faith was about to strike Lyra, a purple whirr flew in and knocked her sword out of her hand.

"You wanna pick on a kid? Pick on me," said Hit-Girl, a katana in each hand.

"Fine, I'll just pick on Sabriel," said Faith, retrieving her sword.

"Then you'll have to go through me," said Eren, stepping between the two of them.

"What are you doing? She's not even on your team," said Faith.

"I don't care whose side she's on," said Saeko. "She's against you, and that's damn well good enough for us."

"So get lost Faith," said Ponyboy, stepping up with the rest of his team.

"Or better yet," said Trunks. "Just lose." The next thing Faith knew, Trunks's leg was in her chest, and she was flying backwards into a knife. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you are), the knife did not go in far, but it did disqualify Faith.

"You okay Sabriel?" asked Eren, helping her up.

"Yeah. Thanks guys," said Sabriel.

"Hey, anyone willing to help out one of our own is okay by the rest of us," said Finn.

"Yeah, and furthermore…" started Ponyboy, but before he could finish he gasped in pain as a sword flew past his hand.

"PONYBOY!" yelled Finn, as another sword struck him.

"Guys, pay attention," said Saeko, deflecting a sword. "We're still in a challenge."

"Sorry," said Finn. "Guys, create a barrier around Lyra."

"Mind if we help?" asked Tiffany, coming up with Zuko.

"Sure," said Saeko. "But what can you…" Before she could finish, a sword flying straight at Tiffany suddenly changed direction and crashed into a wall. "What did you just…?"

"With enough belief, nothing will hurt me," said Tiffany, deflecting another sword she couldn't possibly have seen. Saeko shrugged and went back to protecting Lyra.

Meanwhile, Faith was talking to Rogue…

"You have to do something about them," said Faith.

"Why don't you?" demanded Rogue.

"Because, you're far more powerful," said Faith. "Plus, you don't want your little secret coming out, do you? What you do to them in their sleep, especially Trunks…"

"I never wanted anything like this," said Rogue. "I didn't want to be Chris's slave like you."

"A little late for that," said Faith. "Now, Tiffany is probably our biggest threat out of all of them…"

"Why do you hate Lyra?" demanded Rogue. "She's just a kid. Why do you want to hurt her so much?"

"Chris promised me great things when she fries," said Faith. "Now, get to work."

Rogue sighed, but relented and approached the group. "Rogue, you don't have to do this," said Tiffany. "Tell us what she has on you. We'll help you."

"You can't," said Rogue. "If you did, Chris would just punish all of us. I can't."

"Rogue, I can help," said Tiffany.

"I'm sorry," said Rogue, calling a dozen swords to her side.

"Is your sense of belief still strong enough?" asked Eren.

"Probably not," said Tiffany, stepping forward.

"Then why are you…?" started Hit-Girl.

"I'm a witch," said Tiffany. "It's my job to stop as many people getting hurt as possible. I failed Kenny. It won't happen again."

"Wait, what about…" started Ponyboy, before Trunks covered his mouth.

"Tiffany, stop this," said Sabriel, as Rogue let lose all her swords. Tiffany managed to deflect the first couple (included one straight at Patrick, whose shoulder she clipped), but twelve swords at the same time proved too much for the young witch.

"Tiffany? You okay?" called Patrick.

"I'll be fine," said Tiffany. "I don't have the time to have a serious injury."

"Is that why the sword through your gut isn't hurting you?" asked Patrick.

"Pretty much," said Tiffany, pulling it out.

"It probably would have been better if you left that in," said Hit-Girl. "You won't bleed as much."

"When I have time for the wound, I will treat it," said Tiffany.

"That's not how…" said Hit-Girl, cut off by a knife flying past her cheek, leaving a thin red line.

"These things are getting more and more aggressive," said Saeko, trying to push back three swords at the same time.

"That's because Lyra hasn't been hit yet," said Chris, pushing the swords harder. Saeko knocked one off course, but the other two struck either side of her, one cutting her arm.

"Don't let him through," said Eren, a knife stuck in his shoulder.

"Wasn't planning on it," said Zuko, as a sharp pain exploded on his back. "What the…Faith? What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of the way," said Faith.

"And losing the challenge for your team," said Chris.

"What are you talking about? Rogue hasn't…" started Faith, before noticing Rogue with blood trickling down from the web of her hand. "What were you doing?"

"I was…trying to block the knife and got cut accidentally," said Rogue.

"Oh really?" said Faith. "I feel like I don't believe you."

"It's true," said Rogue.

Faith glared at her, "Fine, I'll believe you," she said. "This time at least. But I'll be watching you."

"And now, our elimination," said Chris. "Sabriel, you were the first to bleed for your team, so you're this week's elimination. And don't think you'll get out of Death because you're the Abhorsen."

"It worked before," said Sabriel as the floor opened beneath her.

"Well, there goes this week's contestant," said Chris. "What horrors will I put them through next week? Find out next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	10. Five Hours at Chris's

Episode 9: Five Hours at Chris's

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashback of the previous episode start playing. "I got to play with knives. Isn't that fun? It wasn't until after the challenge that I realised how hard it is to clean up blood, but it was still totally worth it. Speaking of which, Sabriel's dead. I think. There's something odd happening, but I'm positive no-one could survive my incinerator." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Who will survive this challenge? Find out right now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"So kids, who likes robots?" asked Chris.

"The last robots I met killed almost every person on the planet with the ability to save the world," said Trunks. "So no, I don't."

"Oh…" said Chris. "Because too bad, you have to play with these ones." A wall rose to reveal a bunch of cartoon-y looking creatures sitting there. "Recently, Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria closed down, so I bought all the animatronics from the restaurant."

"Maybe this challenge won't be so bad," said Finn.

"One of the main reasons they closed was because the animatronics kept malfunctioning and going on a murderous rampage," said Chris.

"You had to open your fucking mouth, didn't you?" said Hit-Girl.

"Your challenge today is to survive longer than the other team with these guys trying to get you," said Chris. "Each team will be in an office with two entry points. You can close these doors whenever you want, but doing so eats up power. Close them for too long, and you lose all your power, so you should only do so when necessary. Or you can let the animatronics kill you. I'm cool with that too."

"We could just kill them ourselves," said Zuko.

"You could," said Chris. "However, these things have a death grip like nothing you've ever seen. Do you really want to get that close to them?"

"I punch fireballs at people. Why would I need to get close?" asked Zuko.

"Well, because these guys have VERY fire resistant coats. Intense heat might get through, but I'm not sure anything you've ever done compares," said Chris.

"Bring it," said Zuko.

"Well, you asked," said Chris. "Each team, take a room. The challenge will begin when you're all in a room."

"Guys, let's take this one," said Trunks. "It's the bigger one, and there's more of us." Trunks led the rest of the Guinea Pigs into one of the rooms, only to find it full of boxes. "What the?"

"Yeah, sorry, I've been using that room for storage," said Chris. "So you'll be a little cramped."

"Well, at least the other team will be as cramped as us," said Ponyboy.

"Actually, theirs is pretty roomy," said Chris.

"Great going Trunks," said Eren.

"Guys, look," said Lyra, pointing out at the animatronics, which were waking up. As a bear animatronic stood up, everything outside the room went dark.

"What's going on?" asked Saeko.

"It wouldn't be much fun if you could see when they were coming, would it?" asked Chris.

"Now how are we supposed to tell that they're coming?" asked Ponyboy.

"Pan, can you turn into an owl so you can see in the dark?" asked Lyra.

"I can, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to warn you guys in time," said Pan, changing into an owl.

"Just hoot as loudly as possible. Once for the left, twice for the right, three time for both. Try to get back in if possible," said Saeko.

"I'll do what I can," said Pan, flying out the door.

Meanwhile, with the Lab Rats…

"Do you really think you can take them Zuko?" asked Patrick. "I mean, Chris did say that…"

"I know what he said," said Zuko. "I'm hoping he's bluffing."

"And if he's not?" asked Tiffany.

"Then things get interesting," said Zuko.

"You know, you could help by lighting a fire outside each door so we can see them coming," said Faith.

"Be quiet, you…" said Zuko.

"Actually, I agree with her Zuko," said Tiffany. "I hate her as much as you, but she has a point."

Zuko glared at Faith for a moment. "Okay Tiffany," he said. "But only because you said to do it." Zuko went over to the left door and lit a fire, checking to see if anything was hiding while he was there. Once satisfied that there was nothing there, he moved over to the right hand door and lit a fire, and suddenly jumped back. "B-B-B-Bunny," he stuttered.

"Oh come on, you are not really scared of a little bunny are you?" asked Faith.

"Are you not familiar with Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" asked Patrick.

"Or at least that," said Rogue, pointing out the blue bunny looking through the door.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" asked Faith, holding her hand out to it as if to pat it. Bonnie immediately tried to bite her hand. "Okay, it is that bad. Close the door."

"Nah, I'd rather watch you lose a hand," said Zuko.

"Zuko, remember the rest of us," said Tiffany.

"Fine," Zuko sighed, closing the door.

Meanwhile, with the Guinea Pigs…

"Was that Pan?" asked Ponyboy.

"No," said Saeko.

"What about that?" asked Ponyboy again.

"No," said Hit-Girl.

"That?" he asked a third time.

"You know what would help us hear Pan?" asked Eren. "BEING QUIET!"

"Hey, gimme a break. Most of you have a superpower. I'm the least powerful person here," said Ponyboy. "I mean, even Lyra has Pan. Speaking of which…"

"NO!" yelled the rest of the team.

"Hoot," called Pan.

"Okay, that was Pan," said Lyra. "Left side. Trunks?"

"I know," Trunks said, closing the door. The team relaxed a little, when they heard what sounded like mechanical footsteps. "That's odd. Those sound like they're coming from the right side, but Pan said…" Suddenly there was a thump on the left side door, then silence.

"You think the robot hit the door and left?" asked Finn.

"I'll check," said Hit-Girl, drawing her swords. "Trunks, open the door." The door opened, and Hit-Girl peered around. "Nothing," she reported. "Wait a sec…Pan?"

"Pan?" said Saeko, picking up the crumpled owl. As she did so, Lyra gasped in shock. "Lyra, are you okay?"

"You're…touching Pan," said Lyra.

"Oh, right, Put him down Saeko," said Finn. "Touching someone else's dæmon is kinda like…well, just don't do it."

"Sorry," said Saeko, putting Pan down. "But what happened?"

"Well, I saw that thing approaching from the right side," started Pan. "So I hooted twice, but when I tried to get in through the left door…"

"Wait, right side?" said Eren. "But we agreed that…"

"We mustn't have heard the other hoot when we were telling Ponyboy to be quiet," said Saeko.

"CHICKEN!" yelled Ponyboy.

"Yes, we know you are," said Hit-Girl.

"No, robot chicken," said Ponyboy.

"Yeah, yeah, I like that show too," said Hit-Girl.

"No, literal robot chicken," said Ponyboy.

Hit-Girl turned around quickly and saw Chica about to enter the room. "Oh shit," she said, quickly slamming the button to close the door. The door started to close, when Chica stopped it.

"That's not good," said Finn. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm doing this," said Hit-Girl, slicing through Chica's arms in a single swipe. The door closed, hiding them from Chica. "There, problem solved."

Meanwhile, with the Lab Rats…

"What's that?" asked Patrick.

"I don't know, but it sounds like it's coming this way fast," said Tiffany. As if on cue, Foxy poked his head into the room. "DOOR! CLOSE! NOW!"

Zuko pressed the door close button, but Foxy was already inside. "Alright, guess I'm doing this my way," he said, getting up and cracking his knuckles.

"Zuko, didn't you hear what Chris said?" asked Tiffany.

"Yeah, and?" asked Zuko. "Are you really gonna believe something Chris said?"

"No, but…" started Tiffany, but Zuko had already engaged Foxy.

"EAT FLAME!" yelled Zuko, sending several balls of fire at Foxy. Foxy, however, seemed unaffected, and immediately made a grab at Zuko.

"As I was saying…" started Tiffany.

"Shut up," said Zuko, as Foxy got him in a chokehold. Zuko was lifted into the air, gasping for breath, as he placed his hands on Foxy's chest. "Intense heat huh? Let's see how you like this." Zuko's hands began to glow white. The heat could be felt everywhere in the room, as Foxy began to malfunction, then completely shut down. "HA! Take that."

"Our control panel did," said Tiffany, pointing the sizzling desk.

"What happened?" asked Zuko.

"The extreme heat you used on Foxy fried everything," said Tiffany. "In fact, I'm surprised that…" At that moment, the lights went out. "Well, that."

"What's that sound?" asked Rogue. "It sounds like a music box."

"Maybe we should ask those glowing eyes," said Patrick, indicating the left door. "The sound seems to be coming from there."

"Uh oh," said Tiffany. "We have company, and no way to close the door."

"Leave it to me," said Patrick, stepping up to the animatronic.

"Patrick, stop. You'll be killed," said Tiffany as Freddy finished his song. Patrick gazed steadily into the bear's eyes, unblinking. After what seemed like an eternity, the bear turned around and left.

"Wait, what just…?" started Faith.

"Apparently Patrick is so terrifying, he scared a robot incapable of feeling," said Tiffany. "Now, while the reader contemplates that, we should check-in with the other team."

"Ponyboy, get away from the buttons," said Saeko. "The strongest can check for the animatronics and tell you when to close the doors. If you just keep both doors closed you'll waste our power."

"But this way nothing will get in," said Ponyboy. "Wait...was that golden bear suit there before?"

"What golden bear suit?" asked Saeko, looking around anxiously.

"That one, right there," said Ponyboy, pointing at a lifeless bear suit sitting in the corner. The head of the suit, seeming to react to be talked about, looked up at Ponyboy. "Wait, what's it doing?"

"Ponyboy, have you completely lost it?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Its head…" started Ponyboy. "It's just…floating there." The head stared at him for almost a full minute, then dashed forward like lightning. "WHOA, JEEZ!" yelled Ponyboy, opening both doors as quickly as possible, then running outside.

"Ponyboy, WAIT!" called Trunks, as Lyra dashed past him. "Where are you guys going?"

"In fairness, it is kinda cramped in here," said Eren.

"Yeah, but out there we have…" started Trunks, only to have Lyra's scream cut him off. "Yeah, that." From the other direction, Ponyboy's yell was suddenly cut off. "Oh great. I'll take Finn to deal with that, You go with the girls to help Lyra."

"Got it," said Eren, going off to grab the others. Trunks ran outside, drawing his sword. In front of him, he saw Ponyboy in Freddie's grasp, struggling to get free.

"No. Not another bear," Ponyboy whimpered.

"Hang in there buddy," said Trunks, swinging his sword at Freddie. Before he could strike though, Freddie grabbed the sword blade and crushed it in his grasp. "Okay, guess we're doing this the hard way," said Trunks, getting ready to strike.

"Save some for me," yelled Finn, running at Freddie with his sword. Freddie moved to the side, and as Finn ran past Freddie removed his hat, allowing his long blonde hair to fall out.

"What are you, Super Saiyan 3?" asked Trunks.

"I have no idea what that is," said Finn. "But this…" Finn shoved his sword through Freddie's chest "…is a dead robot." Finn forced his sword up until it came out the top of Freddie's head. The animatronic fell over, releasing Ponyboy and Finn's hat.

"Are you guys okay?" asked Saeko, followed by the rest of the team.

"They'll be fine," said Chris. "But you guys won't. You just lost the challenge."

"I'm guessing because those two left and got caught by the animatronics, and the other team didn't get touched," said Eren.

"No, actually. Zuko got caught by one," said Chris. "Then he destroyed it, they lost power, then Patrick somehow scared the bear. Seriously, it caught Ponyboy by accident."

"Then why did we lose?" demanded Finn.

"So I could do this," said Chris.

"NO!" yelled Hit-Girl, realising what was about to happen and grabbing Lyra's hand as she started to fall.

"Don't worry about me Hit-Girl," said Lyra. "I'll be fine."

"Don't talk like that," said Hit-Girl. "Pan, can't you turn into an elephant or something to help her get out of there?"

"I have another idea," said Pan, turning into a caterpillar.

"What are you…" started Hit-Girl, before she had to stop herself from giggling. As Pan crawled across her fingers, it tickled her, and slowly Hit-Girl grip loosened until Lyra fell down the hole. "NO!"

"And with that, I finally get my wish," said Chris. "Who will be the next to bite the dust? Or rather, become dust? Find out next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	11. I (Don't) Want Candy

Episode 10: I (Don't) Want Candy

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashback of the previous episode start playing. "I treated the contestants by bringing the characters from Chuck E. Chee…er, I mean Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria to them. Unfortunately, their animatronics are now killer robots that look like cute cuddly creatures. Who'd have thought? So, the contestants had to survive against them longer than the other team. At least that's what they thought they had to do. I actually just wanted to kill Lyra. Ain't I a stinker?" The camera cut back to Chris. "Who's the unlucky shmuck who won't make it to the merge? Find out right here, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"You guys look a bit stressed lately," said Chris. "You need to calm down. How about some candy?"

"What makes you think we'd be stupid enough to eat anything you give us?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Actually, when was the last time any of us ate?" asked Zuko.

"I've been supplying you with enough nutrients to keep you alive," said Chris. "Which is more than you think, because of Ro…err…"

"You were going to say something about Rogue, weren't you?" asked Tiffany. "Probably something about what you're keeping from us about her."

"Today's challenge," said Chris, ignoring her. "Take some candy, all of you." A bunch of candy bars fell from the roof, landing in the hands of each of the contestants. "Well, come on, eat them."

"Why?" asked Finn.

"Because they'll decide who takes today's challenge on behalf of their team," said Chris. "Speaking of which, the loser of the two will be eliminated."

"So there's something special about one of these?" asked Patrick. "Is one of them like a golden ticket or something?"

"It'd more likely be tainted with arsenic," said Saeko.

"Now, that is NOT what I did," said Chris. "I tainted them with mercury…oops."

"Yeah, I'm not eating this," said Eren.

"Me neither," said Ponyboy.

"Eat, or I'll force them down your throats," said Chris. "Don't worry guys, I have every intention of giving an antidote to the winner."

"Guys, look how my candy bar looks like it was opened and resealed," said Trunks. "I reckon I have our team's one."

"Trunks, you don't actually think…" started Saeko.

"I'm powerful enough Saeko," said Trunks, unwrapping his candy. "I'll survive." Trunks took a bite out of his candy. "Huh, I was expecting to notice a difference."

"Maybe you didn't get the poisoned one?" suggested Chris.

"Then why did mine look tampered with?" asked Trunks.

"Speaking of which, mine looks tampered with," said Patrick. "Here you go Faith." Before Faith could react, Patrick switched his candy with hers, and ate the one he stole.

"You sneaky bastard," said Faith. "Okay, who wants to trade with me?" As if on cue, Rogue, Tiffany, and Zuko all ate their candy. "Fine then." Faith ate the candy, expecting to feel sick at any moment.

"See, you know that they're safe now," said Chris. "Now eat."

"Do we trust him?" asked Finn.

"As if we have a choice," said Hit-Girl, eating hers.

"He doesn't want to kill us yet," said Eren, unwrapping his. "I guess this is safe-ish."

"Fine," sighed Finn, eating his.

Ponyboy and Saeko followed suit, but after one bite Ponyboy spat his out. "What is in this stuff?" he said, rubbing his tongue to get rid of the taste.

"Mercury," said Chris.

"I knew it. You poisoned all of them," said Hit-Girl.

"Nope, only two of them," said Chris. "I just know Ponyboy got one of them."

"Then how come mine looked opened?" asked Trunks.

"To throw you off," said Chris. "Now Ponyboy, finish it."

"No," said Ponyboy defiantly.

"Fine," said Chris, as two metallic arms came out of the wall. One grabbed Ponyboy around the waist, while the other forcibly crammed the candy bar down his throat. "There, Ponyboy will be representing the Guinea Pigs. And for the Lab Rats, it'll be Faith. Or at least it would be, if not for…"

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," said Patrick.

"So, Patrick and Ponyboy, you'll be competing in a short obstacle course, after which the winner will be healed, and the loser will be burned. Fun right?"

"Fuck you," said Patrick.

"What he said," said Ponyboy.

"Excellent," said Chris. "Here's your challenge." A wall lifted up to reveal a series of paths, beams, and other obstacles across a pool of what looked like water. "You both need to cross this obstacle course suspended above this pool of hydrochloric acid. Simple, right?"

"You make it sound like falling has no consequence," said Ponyboy.

"It doesn't," said Chris. "For me at least. Now, off you go."

"Pfft, as if you'd kill off two contestants in one fell swoop," said Patrick.

"Don't count on it," said Chris. "Also, Ponyboy's started."

"Goddamn it," said Patrick, making a start.

"Okay boys, your first obstacle are these bars at various heights," said Chris. "Go over the low ones and under the high ones. Or the other way around if you think you can."

"Nasty surprise in three, two, one…" started Patrick as he climbed over the first one. When he was halfway over, the bar rose up suddenly, taking him with it. "Yep, there it is."

"You also have to avoid being thrown off," said Chris. "Good luck."

"Not cool," said Ponyboy, scrambling under one of the bars. The bar itself then fell on top of him, winding him. "Very not cool."

"Guys, wait until they're at their lowest, then go over quickly," called Tiffany.

"Whose side are you on?" demanded Faith.

"My own," snapped Tiffany. "Anyone who wants to join me can."

"Don't even think about it Rogue," said Faith, noticing Rogue opening her mouth. "You know what I can do to you."

"And you know what I can do to you," muttered Rogue.

"What was that?" asked Faith.

"Guys, they're on to the next part of the course," said Zuko.

"This next part involves you jumping from trampoline to trampoline," said Chris. "But the trampolines aren't very secure, so spending too long on them will tilt them to one side or the other, probably spilling you with it."

"This won't end well," said Patrick, the first to reach the second obstacle.

"I know," said Ponyboy, looking like he was about to throw up.

"I'd just let it go if I was you," said Patrick. "It'd get the poison out of you faster."

"How come you're not feeling sick?" asked Ponyboy.

"Because my body knows what I'll do to it if I get sick," said Patrick.

"You threaten your own body if it betrays you?" asked Ponyboy, barely holding the contents of his stomach in.

"For god sake kid, here," said Patrick, grabbing Ponyboy by the back of the neck. Ponyboy tried to protest, but Patrick managed to stick two of his fingers down Ponyboy's throat. Quickly, Patrick turned Ponyboy around, as he threw up everything he'd eaten.

"HEY! No helping each other. You're meant to be competing against each other," said Chris.

"Yeah, well, come at me bro," said Patrick, making his way across the trampolines.

"Hey, wait up," called Ponyboy, struggling to catch his breath after Patrick's attack. Carefully, he fell onto the first trampoline, which flung him way further than expected.

"Oh yeah, by the way, some of the trampolines are made of flubber," said Chris. "So…have fun."

"Wait, how come I haven't…" started Patrick, just as he landed on one of the trampolines and was flung across to the end of the trampoline section.

"Congratulations, you're the first one to the third and final part of the obstacle course," said Chris. "You need to cross that narrow log without falling off."

"And?" asked Patrick.

"And what?" inquired Chris.

"What's the nasty surprise?" asked Patrick.

"Oh, right," said Chris. From the walls either side of the log, boxing gloves sprung forward then went back in. "There. Happy?"

"Not really," said Patrick, starting across the log. Several times he had to stop to avoid getting hit, but mostly he kept moving, until one blow got him from the side. Patrick slipped, but hung onto the bar. "Wait a sec," he said to himself. Slowly, he began to shimmy along the log, hanging on tight while presenting the bare minimum for the fists to hit him.

"Patrick may just have this in the bag," said Chris. "That is, unless Ponyboy manages to…" Suddenly, Ponyboy came flying past his screen. "Huh, guess he found another flubber trampoline."

Ponyboy flew past Patrick, and landed near the end of the log. Unfortunately, the landing winded him, and he slipped down. Quickly, Ponyboy managed to grab the ledge and hang on.

"Hang in there Ponyboy," said Patrick, slowly making his way across. "I'll help you up."

"But by that point you'll have won," said Ponyboy.

"Not if all goes well," said Patrick, getting next to Ponyboy. "Grab my hand. Trust me."

Ponyboy hesitated, then grabbed Patrick's hand. Patrick quickly flung the boy up, but just as Ponyboy hit the floor, Patrick got onto the finish platform himself. There was no way to tell who got there first.

"Hey, that's not fair," said Chris. "I only want to eliminate one a week, and my photo finish can't find a winner."

"That was the plan," said Patrick. "So, what are you gonna do?"

"This," said Chris. "Eenie, meenie, miney, you."

"Say what?" asked Ponyboy, as the floor opened underneath him.

"HA! All that for nothing," said Chris. "So, with half the field gone, we'll be going to the merge next week. Who will take it out? Find out next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	12. Secure, Contain, Protect

Episode 11: Secure, Contain, Protect

Chris's face appears on the screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "I decided to treat the contestants to some candy. Some of the candy was dipped in mercury, but it was still candy. Then Patrick and Ponyboy, who had previously consumed said candy, got to play on an obstacle course above a vat of hydrochloric acid. Lucky boys. After an intense run, the race ended in a draw, so I killed Ponyboy." The scene cuts back to Chris. "What horrors await the contestants this time? The title should be a clue, but find out now, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

Patrick woke up in a strange room. "Where am I?" he asked. "Was everything that happened recently just a dream?" Yawning, he got up and walked to the window. The glass was covered in condensation, except for a message that had been written there: 'THOSE DAMN GAMETES!' "Why do I get the feeling Chris is somehow behind this?" asked Patrick aloud, writing his own message: 'Who wrote this?'

'HI, MY NAME IS BEAUREMONT! WHAT'S YOURS?' came a response almost immediately.

'Patrick,' responded Patrick. 'May I ask who, what, and where you are?'

'OH, I'M JUST YOUR AVERAGE SEVEN TENDRIL NON-GAMETE, COMMUNICATING BY MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW, THOUGH I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE HOW! YOU?!' replied Beauremont.

"Oh God Chris, what have you got me into?" asked Patrick, before replying 'same'.

Meanwhile, Eren awoke in a room with a rock…

"What's the deal with this rock?" he asked aloud. "Hey, underneath there's a note from Chris. Eh, I'll read it later."

Meanwhile, Hit-Girl woke up in a room with a TV, a Betamax tape, and a Betamax machine…

"Jeez, someone actually owned one of these?" said Hit-Girl to herself. "Let's see here. 'RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING'? Can we even use this one? Whatever, let's see what's on here." Hit-Girl put the tape into the machine, and pressed play. The video started with Ronald Reagan delivering his Evil Empire speech, which Hit-Girl had seen at school once. However, after about a minute she noticed something off.

"I don't think he said that," said Hit-Girl. "Or that. What is he even talking about?" Almost fifteen minutes later, Reagan suddenly shrunk back, as though in pain. "What the hell was that?" she asked, as Reagan continued his speech with several cuts and lacerations.

Meanwhile, Tiffany woke up in a room with a disc lying on a mirror…

"What is this?" asked Tiffany, picking up the disc. Upon being picked up, the disc immediately stood up and rolled back to the middle of the mirror. "Okay, that was weird," said Tiffany, looking around and seeing no doors or windows. "Maybe it's a clue on how to get out of here."

Meanwhile, Zuko was in a room with nothing but me, an ordinary toaster…

"Wait, why did you introduce yourself in the first person when you're a human being?" asked Zuko. "It's not like I, the toaster, can…what the hell? Why do I feel like having toast?"

Meanwhile, Rogue was in a room with…wait, what was I writing about again?

"You were writing about this thing," said Rogue. "This…wait, what was I talking about? Was it this thing that isn't round? It kinda looks like…what was I talking about?"

Meanwhile, Finn was in a dark stairwell with a flashlight…

"Where am I?" he wondered aloud. "Is there something down there?" Finn picked up the flashlight and slowly began his descent of the stairs. "Wait, what's that sound? It sounds like a child crying. Maybe 200 meters down. I'm coming kid!" Finn began to run down the stairs towards the source of the crying.

Meanwhile, Saeko was in a room with some kind of machine…

"What, am I supposed to use this machine?" asked Saeko. "There's an input and output tray, and the settings are Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine. But what am…" Suddenly, Saeko noticed a box behind her. "I take it I need to put these things in there," she said, opening it to see what it contained.

Meanwhile, Faith was in a room with a slowly draining pool of hydrochloric acid…

"I'd have thought Chris would be filling the room with acid," said Faith. "Wait, what's that?" Rising from the acid was some kind of lizard thing. It seemed to be burned from being in the acid, but was already recovering from it. "Okay, that's not good," said Faith, finding her knife.

Finally, Trunks was staring at some kind of statue in the corner of the room…

"What is that thing?" he asked, blinking in confusion, then jumping back in shock. "Did it just move?" he asked, drawing his sword and holding it in front of him in case it moved again.

"Okay, you've all woken up," said Chris. "Your challenge today is courtesy of the SCP Foundation. They've kindly donated some of their creatures to us for you guys to play with. It's too bad we couldn't get 231-7, but I guess there are some depths even Kieran won't sink to. Well, have fun."

"Okay, I'm guessing I'm supposed to get out of here," said Tiffany, looking at the disc. "Hmm, I wonder…" Tiffany lifted the mirror up, and pushed the disc off. The disc flipped onto its side and started rolling towards where Tiffany was standing. Tiffany jumped out of the way and ran towards a wall. The disc turned around as though to charge at her.

"Let see what you've got," she said. The disc charged towards her at high speed, then smashed through the wall. The wall began to collapse as the disc came back in on the other side of Tiffany. "Perfect. Good disc," she said, placing the mirror on the floor. The disc rolled onto the mirror and lay there, while Tiffany pushed against the wall, knocking it over.

"Now, where is everyone else?" she wondered, looking at the doors leading to what she guessed were the other contestants. "What's in this one?" she said, opening the door. There was no floor below her, but she did see a slowly draining vat of acid.

"Tiffany! Little help?" called Faith.

"Nah, you've got this, whatever it is," said Tiffany, walking away. Tiffany looked at the other doors, and chose one next to where she started. "Wow, this staircase is dark," she said, conjuring a fireball. She began her descent, then stopped. "There's a kid down there," she said. "And…Finn? It sounds like he's in trouble. Hang in there, I'm coming." She took off at a sprint down the stairs.

Meanwhile, Saeko was looking at the objects from the box. "Let's see, I have a $1,000,000 in Monopoly money, a Justin Bieber CD, a Nerf gun, an old Nokia phone, and a copy of Pokémon Blue Version. I assume I have to put these in the machine to do…something."

"That's right," said Chris, appearing on a screen behind her. "But you have to put each in at the right setting, or else."

"Well, the CD is obvious," said Saeko, setting the machine to Rough and putting the disc in the Input tray. Saeko turned a key below the settings knob, and the machine started. Five minutes later, the machine dinged, and a pile of dust came out of the Output tray. "Okay, for my next guess…" said Saeko, before putting the Pokémon game in the tray and repeating the process on 1:1. Again, the machine dinged a few minutes later, and Pokémon Red Version came out.

"Perfect," said Chris. "Now I can trade all my stuff from Blue over to Red and complete the Pokedex."

"Didn't the machine just turn your Blue version into a Red version?" asked Saeko.

Chris thought for a moment before responding. "SON OF A BI…"

Meanwhile, in the dark staircase…

"Finn? Are you here?" called Tiffany.

"Tiffany? Is that you?" Finn called back, coming back up the stairs. "Did you see it?"

"See what?" asked Tiffany.

"The face," said Finn. "I'd gone down like fifty or sixty flights of stairs, trying to get to that kid, then suddenly it was there on the next flight down. I stepped backwards, and it jumped forward, and I ran back up here. But I don't think it…hey, what's wrong?"

"By any chance, did the face look anything like that?" asked Tiffany, pointing behind him and trying hard to suppress her growing fear.

Finn glanced around to see the familiar white face. "RUN!" yelled Finn, picking Tiffany up and running up the stairs. The face gave chase, and kept getting closer.

"It's getting closer," said Tiffany. "I'm gonna try something." Tiffany summoned a fireball, and threw it at the face. Before the smoke cleared for that fireball, Tiffany summoned another, and then another. "Okay, it's now either dead, wounded, or very pissed off," said Tiffany. "In any case, keep going so we don't find out which."

"What about the kid?" asked Finn.

"Finn, we went down about fifty flights of stairs," said Tiffany. "Chris probably left a recording at the bottom to bring us down to be attacked by that thing. That's why it keeps saying the same thing over and over again."

"Yeah, you're probably right," said Finn, continuing to the top of the stairs and exiting the stairwell.

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the stairs…

"Please! Help! Down here!" cried the child.

"Shh child, they aren't coming," came the voice the child knew only too well. He closed his eyes, knowing what was about to come.

Meanwhile, Zuko was having breakfast…

"I've had like fifteen slices of toast. Why do I still want toast?" asked Zuko. "I'm not even hungry anymore. Maybe it has something to do with your buddy the toaster. Hey, maybe I'm a toaster too." Zuko grabbed another slice of bread and placed it in his mouth. It was at this point that Finn and Tiffany walked in on him.

"What are you doing?" asked Finn.

"I'm making toast," said Zuko through a mouthful of bread.

"Don't you need to cook it first?" said Tiffany. "And you of all people should know that. You have fire magic."

"Bending," corrected Zuko. "And I think it has something to do your friendly neighbourhood bread cooker."

"Okay, weird way to refer to a breakfast buddy," said Finn.

"You mean our buddy the toaster," said Tiffany.

"Okay, can we not refer to Toasty the Great in the first person?" asked Finn.

In response, Tiffany threw a fireball at the toaster, destroying it. "There, fixed," she said.

"Your response to everything shouldn't be to throw a fireball at it," said Finn.

"Yeah, that's what I should be doing," said Zuko, spitting out his bread. "Now, where's everyone else?"

"Let's find out," said Tiffany, leading them out of the room. Outside they found Rogue and Hit-Girl. "Hey, how'd you guys go?"

"How'd I go with what?" asked Rogue.

"You know, the challenge?" prompted Finn.

"We had a challenge?" replied Rogue.

"Yeah, that's as much as I got out of her too," said Hit-Girl. "All I got was a tape of Ronald Reagan getting attacked repeatedly, but never in the same way."

"So what did you have to do exactly?" asked Zuko.

"Dunno. I just got up and left," said Hit-Girl.

"Hey Bitchany, thanks for the help earlier," came the angry voice of Faith, storming up to them.

"Any time Faith," said Tiffany, not even looking over at her. "So I take it you handled your monster?"

"I don't think so," said Faith. "I decapitated, burned, poisoned, stabbed, cut up, and surgically removed the organs of that lizard, and he was still alive. In fact, it seemed to be more alive after each death. What the hell was that thing?"

"Whatever it was, it probably isn't our problem," said Zuko. "It's yours. Now, what's behind this door?" Zuko opened the door partway, then stopped.

"Why'd your stop?" asked Finn.

"I'll finish it later," said Zuko.

"Oh, this can't be good," said Tiffany, walking into the room to see Eren lying next to a rock. "Eren, are you okay?"

"This rock," he replied. "It makes me…I'll finish this sentence later."

"Hit-Girl. Rope. Drag. Now," said Tiffany, backing out of the room quickly.

Hit-Girl grabbed a rope out from her pack and threw it to Eren. "Grab it," she called.

"Later," said Eren.

"For crying out loud," yelled Finn, storming into the room, grabbing Eren with one hand and the rope with the other. On his way back, he suddenly collapsed. "I'll leave later," he said, still holding the rope.

"Guys, pull," said Zuko, helping Hit-Girl drag the two of them out of the room. Once they were out, Tiffany quickly closed the door.

"Thanks guys," said Eren. "Who'd have thought a rock could make you procrastinate?"

"Can't celebrate yet," said Zuko. "We're still missing Patrick, Trunks, and Saeko."

"Well, three doors left," said Tiffany. "Let's spilt up. Finn, you and me take this one. Eren and Hit-Girl, you take that one. That leaves Rogue and Zuko to take…"

"What about me?" asked Faith.

"Who gives a rat's ass?" asked Zuko. "Come on Rogue." Zuko grabbed Rogue's arm to guide her towards their door, then gasped as he pulled away in shock.

"Zuko? Is something wrong?" asked Finn.

"I'm…not sure," said Zuko. "Come on, we've got work to do."

Meanwhile, Trunks was in trouble…

"This thing is fast," said Trunks. "Even the briefest moment of not looking at it and it moves. Luckily that seems to be the only time it moves. If only the room was large enough for me to fly in." Trunks held his sword directly between himself and the creature before blinking. In the three hundred and fifty milliseconds his eyes were closed, the thing had moved around his sword and was about to attack, but seemed to be frozen. "How do I stop this thing?" he wondered aloud.

"Hey Trunks, need a hand?" asked Zuko, entering the room.

"That would be good," said Trunks. "Don't take your eyes off this thing, not even to blink."

"Based on what's already happened this episode, I won't question that," said Zuko.

Trunks slipped past the thing to stand beside Zuko at the entrance. "I'm thinking we combine our attacks to destroy it," said Trunks. "It seems to be made of concrete, so swords are no good, and for some reason my power has been pretty limited lately."

"Fine by me," said Zuko. "On three. One, two…" As Zuko was about to attack, he fell forward as though pushed. Trunks turned to help him before remembering an instant later what was in the room with him, as it grabbed him around the neck.

"Let's see you handle this now, monkey boy," said Faith.

"TRUNKS!" yelled Rogue, holding out her hand. Without warning, intense flames flared out of her, partially roasting the monster, before Rogue unleashed lightning from her other hand, blowing the thing to pieces.

"Whoa…" said Zuko, in shock. Was that my power, he thought to himself. How did she get that? I'm going to have to talk to her about that.

Meanwhile, Saeko was trying to decide what to do…

"I keep telling you Chris, no matter how many times I put the Nokia through the 'Coarse' setting, nothing happens to it," said Saeko.

"Jeez, those things really are indestructible," said Chris. "Alright, just move on to the money and the nerf gun."

"Fine," said Saeko, putting the money through the Fine setting.

"HA! You were supposed to put that through the Very Fine setting," said Chris. "I get to torture you now." From the roof, a mess of robotic arms stretched down as though to strike.

"Try it," said Eren, blocking an attack.

"Saeko, finish the challenge," said Hit-Girl, shielding her from another blow.

"Should I put the nerf gun in the Fine or Very Fine setting?" asked Saeko.

"Whichever one will get us out unscathed," said Eren, just as an arm knocked Hit-Girl down. "Less scathed."

"Got it," said Saeko, putting the nerf gun in at the Very Fine setting.

"Wait, the money's still in there," said Chris.

"And that's our concern?" asked Saeko, joining the fight.

"Well, yes, because…" started Chris.

"IT'S GONNA BLOW!" yelled Hit-Girl, diving out the door. Eren and Saeko followed her out right as the machine exploded.

"Hey, that's nine of you finished," said Chris. "Which means…"

Meanwhile, Patrick was still talking to Beauremont…

'I can't believe the gametes in your world do that too,' wrote Patrick.

'SUCH CRAZY WORLDS WE LIVE IN!' Beauremont wrote back.

"Patrick, thank God we found you," said Finn. "What horror did Chris put you through?"

"Horror? Nah, I've just been hanging out with my new buddy Beauremont," said Patrick.

"Okay, where is this Beauremont?" asked Tiffany.

"Well, he's sort of here and not here," said Patrick. "I talk to him through the condensation on the window."

"Right…" said Finn. "Well, we need to get going. We need to get you out of here before the others get rescued, or else you'll…" Before Finn could finish, a trapdoor opened under Patrick, closing when he had disappeared through it.

"I love doing that," said Chris. "Who will go next? Find out next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	13. Monster Mash

Episode 12: Monster Mash

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "My buddies at the SCP Foundation lent me some of their toys. And by buddies, I mean they've never heard of me. And by lent, I mean stole. And by toys, I mean dangerous creatures and monsters and rocks that make you procrastinate. The contestants had to overcome these things, which they did. All except Patrick, who took a one way trip to a fiery pit." The shot cuts back to Chris. "Who will take the fiery plunge this week? Find out now, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

The contestants were awake, awaiting Chris appearance to tell them about their challenge. Rogue was standing alone when Zuko came up to her. "I know what you're hiding," he said to her.

"What do you mean?" asked Rogue, suddenly very worried.

"I felt it when I touched your hand," said Zuko. "You have the ability to take other's strength, and I'm guessing you can absorb our powers too."

"I…I'm sorry," said Rogue. "Chris told me he would bring back my friends."

"Chris is a liar," said Zuko.

"I know that now," said Rogue. "It's just, by the time I'd found out, it was too late. I took strength and powers from all of you as you slept, which is why Trunks's saiyan strength is practically non-existent."

"And he hired Faith to keep you in line with his plans," concluded Zuko. "Rogue, you have nothing to worry about. I know the others will forgive and help you. You have to trust them. Just come with…"

"Are you bothering her?" demanded Faith, storming up to the two of them.

"Get lost Faith, I know what you're up to," said Zuko.

"Oh? And I suppose you'll just let her on your side just like that?" said Faith, snapping her fingers. "She's been bad for this long, who says she won't go back?"

"I trust her," said Zuko firmly.

"Hey kiddies," said Chris. "Who wants a challenge?"

"This isn't over," said Faith, glaring at Zuko one last time before going over to where the other contestants were gathering.

"So, who likes fighting monsters?" asked Chris.

"Didn't we do that last time?" asked Finn. "Has Kieran run out of ideas?"

"Kieran's been out of ideas for years. That's why he's parodying Harry Potter, so he doesn't have to come up with an original story," said Saeko.

"If I may talk about today's challenge," said Chris. "I've collected nine monsters of different sorts. If you kill one, you gain immunity for this round. If everyone kills one, the last person to do so gets eliminated. There are no rules on who gets to kill what, so go nuts."

"Why would we want to be like you?" asked Hit-Girl.

"I'm not nuts, I'm just a vicious sociopath," said Chris. "And now that I'm a computer, I'm also immortal. But now, it's fight time." A wall rose up, and a bunch of humanoid monsters appeared. "So kids, you have a choice of killing a dwarf, an elf, a fairy, a giant, a goblin, an ogre, a troll, a vampire, or a werewolf."

"Pfft, as if you need to ask," said Faith, drawing a stake and throwing it at the vampire. The stake pierced the vampire's heart, and he deteriorated into a pile of dust.

"And Faith gains immunity straight off the bat," said Chris. "Wait, what's Eren doing?"

"DIE TITAN!" screamed Eren, using his manoeuvre gear to fling himself above the giant, before turning around, shooting one of his grappling hooks into the back of the giant's head, then slicing the nape of its neck. The giant yelled in pain before falling over, but didn't die. "What the?"

"And Eren learns the hard way that giants and titans are two different things," said Chris.

"Fine," sighed Eren, shoving his sword through the giant's head.

"And Eren's immu…HOLY CRAP TIFFANY!" gasped Chris, causing everyone to turn and see Tiffany strangling the elf with one hand, which was on fire.

"Are you suffering yet elf?" she asked menacingly. The elf tried to choke a reply, but couldn't.

"Tiffany, stop," said Eren.

"Your swords, they're iron right?" asked Tiffany, not taking her eyes off the elf.

"Well, steel, which is an alloy of iron," said Eren. "But still…"

"Good," said Tiffany, taking one and shoving it through the elf's leg. The elf seemed to scream (though it was hard to tell with Tiffany's hand around his throat), as Tiffany stabbed his other leg.

"Tiffany, what's wrong with you?" demanded Trunks as Tiffany impaled each of the elf's arms.

"If you knew what the elves did in my world, you'd do the same," said Tiffany, finally letting go of the elf. The elf collapsed to the floor, looking up at Tiffany, its eyes clearly begging for mercy. "You want mercy?" asked Tiffany. "No chance. I'm going to enjoy this." The elf, realising what was about to happen, threw itself at the sword as hard as it could, piercing its own heart. "Bah, that was a fate too good for him," spat Tiffany.

Everyone, including the other monsters, stared at Tiffany in shock for almost a full minute. "Erm, Tiffany gains immunity," said Chris. "Six left people." The remaining monsters, seeing what had happened to their friends in such rapid succession, had backed away into a corner.

"I refuse," said Rogue. "I will not hurt someone else because of what Chris wants."

"Oh really?" said Faith. "Do you want me to tell everyone about your little secret?"

"You mean that you and Chris make me absorb everyone's strength to keep them in check?" demanded Rogue. Chris and Faith flinched at this. "That's right, I'm sick of doing your bidding, and to hell with what they think of me."

"Rogue sweetie," said Faith. "You'd be better off sticking with me than them. We can get to the final two and win this competition."

"Do you take me for an idiot Faith?" demanded Rogue. "I know Chris intends to kill us all, as well as the other contestants he had trapped."

"Fine. I'll take care of you myself," said Faith, pulling out her dagger and advancing on Rogue.

"Bring it bitch," said Rogue, clapping her hands together and slamming them into the ground. The floor around Faith began to shake, and a piece of the floor rose up to knock her over. Faith retreated towards the back of the room, and Rogue advanced, firing balls of ice at Faith.

"Come on, drain me of life," said Faith. "I know that's what you want to do."

"That's what I will do," said Rogue, pulling off one of her gloves and reaching for Faith. Faith backed up two more steps, then a wicked smile crossed her face as she grabbed Rogue's sleeve (careful not to touch her skin) and forced Rogue hand onto the werewolf.

"NOO!" screamed Rogue, trying to pull her hand away, but Faith's grip was too much. Faith even pushed the werewolf's head into Rogue's hand, since it kept trying to pull away.

"ROGUE!" yelled Zuko, running to help, but by the time he reached them, the werewolf was already lying on the ground, dead.

"And there's our fourth immunity," said Chris, pleased with how this was going. "Halfway there."

"Fucking flies," said Hit-Girl, waving her hand around until she felt it make contact with something. "Jeez, this thing is huge."

"That's five," said Chris.

"What?" asked Hit-Girl, looking at her hand. Sure enough, there was a small humanoid creature there, bleeding to death.

"Guys, we need to get a move on," said Saeko, about to engage the goblin.

"You're not seriously going to do as Chris says are you?" asked Finn.

"We won't get out of here otherwise," said Zuko, approaching the ogre.

"We won't get out of here anyway," said Finn. "I forfeit."

"We'll see about that," said Chris. "Hey dwarfy, the kid with the white hat is not going to fight back. Kill him and I'll let you go."

"Done," said the dwarf, raising his axe.

"Sir, I don't want to fight you," said Finn, ducking a blow from the dwarf.

"Me freedom's more important to me," said the dwarf, aiming a blow between Finn's eyes.

"STOP!" cried Finn, blocking the blow with his sword. The dwarf, not expecting this resistance, lost his grip on his axe, which fell backwards right between the dwarf's eyes. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me."

"Nope," said Chris. "Six."

"Come on ogre, is that the best you got?" demanded Zuko, dodging another blow from the one he was fighting. "EAT FLAMES!" Zuko was about to send a fireball at the ogre, when it suddenly fell forward, a knife in its back. "What the?" he asked, before realising what had happened.

"Do you really think I would let you stay after you cost me my only ally?" asked Faith. "Pfft, as if. Enjoy the flames."

"You too," said Zuko, sending the fireball he had ready into Faith's face, burning off her eyebrows and most of her hair. Faith looked at him in disgust, then walked away.

"I just killed the goblin," said Saeko.

"Very good," said Chris. "That just leaves the troll, and two people to kill it."

"Zuko," said Trunks. "You can take this if you want."

"No," said Zuko. "I burned Faith, that'll do for me. Plus, you have a better chance of getting out of here than me. Hopefully you'll recover enough to defeat Chris and get everyone else out of here before it's too late."

"Will do," said Trunks, saluting him. "I'll get the dragon radar off my mum and bring you all back." The troll, which had tried to sneak up on Trunks, was soon blasted to bits by one of Trunks's ki blasts.

"Yay, I get to do this again," said Chris, opening the floor below Zuko. "Who will go next time? Find out right here on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	14. Clean Up In Aisle Eight

Episode 13: Clean Up In Aisle Eight

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Monsters of the underworld were gathered to fight our contestants. Unfortunately, the contestants are all more than capable of defending themselves. A few contestants considered forfeiting the challenge, but I wouldn't let them. In the end, Zuko failed to kill a monster, since Faith stole his kill, which got him eliminated. Luckily for him, he got his own back by burning off her hair." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Who will get wiped out this episode? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Hey guys, good news," said Chris.

"You're letting us go?" asked Eren.

Chris laughed at this. "Oh, you were being serious. Let me laugh even harder," said Chris, before laughing even harder. "No seriously, today's challenge is pretty easy."

"Kicking the shit out of you?" asked Hit-Girl. "Because I would enjoy that oh so much."

"Nope," said Chris. "You're challenge is to clean this room." A wall rose up to reveal an absolutely spotless room.

"You've got the wrong room, moron," said Finn.

"That's because I haven't done this yet," said Chris, as the ceiling opened up and dumped large piles of garbage in the room.

"Is…is that Kenny?" asked Rogue.

"That it is," said Chris.

"How'd he decompose so fast? Normally it would take years," said Tiffany.

"Hey, you're not complaining about your other friends," said Chris.

"What other friends? The only human remains there are Kenny's," said Trunks.

"What?" asked Chris, looking at the pile of waste. "Okay, what is going on?"

"Why don't you tell us? It's your facility," said Saeko.

Chris glared at her for a moment, then snapped out of it. "It doesn't matter," he said. "Your challenge is to clean as much stuff out of your area as possible. But be warned: the other contestants can dispose of their garbage into your area if they want to, making it harder for you to win."

"But Chris, everyone hates me," said Faith.

"And whose fault is that?" asked Chris. "Now, pick an area. The contestant with the messiest area in an hour gets eliminated." The eight contestants, knowing there was no point arguing, all picked an area. "BEGIN!"

"This'll be easy," said Trunks. He charged up a Ki Blast, and incinerated all the garbage in his area in seconds. Unfortunately…

"Very good Trunks," said Chris. "Unfortunately, you also burned a lot of the floor. You're winning, but to keep yourself safe you'll probably want to clean that up." Trunks sighed and began trying to remove the burn marks.

Meanwhile, Faith, who had picked a corner of the room to avoid as much of the garbage as possible, had to deal with Eren, Hit-Girl, and Rogue piling their garbage into her area.

"I don't get it," said Hit-Girl. "She doesn't seem to be fighting back. I've piled my garbage so high I can't even see her."

"Maybe she's up to something?" suggested Rogue.

"Or maybe she's resigned to her fate," said Eren.

"Whatever it is, be prepared for it," said Hit-Girl, reinforcing the pile of garbage on her border with Faith.

Meanwhile, Tiffany had adopted a strategy similar to Trunks, but to a much smaller extent…

"Hey Tiffany, could you help burn some of my garbage?" asked Finn.

"I hate to ask, but I don't think we'll be getting rid of much of it otherwise," said Saeko.

"Guys, the amount of energy I'd need to use just to clear my area will almost drain me," said Tiffany. "But since you guys are my friends…" Tiffany found a couple of old pieces of cardboard, and focused on them for a few seconds. They burst into flames, and Tiffany handed one each to Finn and Saeko. "Use them wisely guys," said Tiffany. "Find some more flammable stuff quickly so they don't burn out."

"Thanks Tiffany," said Finn and Saeko together, before all three of them got back to their respective areas.

About fifty eight minutes later...

"Not much longer contestants," said Chris. "Though honestly, one of you *cough* Faith *cough* is not looking good."

"Yeah, what's with that?" asked Rogue. "Something is seriously wrong."

"What could she possibly be doing?" asked Hit-Girl.

"That's what I'm going to find out," said Rogue, starting to climb the wall of garbage she had been building. After a few slips, Rogue made it to the top, and gasped in astonishment. Along the wall Faith shared with Hit-Girl, Faith had been building up a wall of her own, though it looked unstable, like a good shove would knock it over…

"Hit-Girl, brace yourself against your wall," said Rogue.

"Why? What's wrong?" asked Hit-Girl.

"Just do it," said Rogue. "Come on Eren. Trunks, Finn, Saeko, Tiffany, we may need a hand over here." The others (who were nearly finished their areas) saw Eren and Hit-Girl bracing themselves and immediately went over to help.

"You don't think I saw this coming?" asked Faith. "I counted on it."

"What do you…" started Trunks, as he saw the wall Faith shared with Eren area collapse, completely flooding his area.

"NO!" yelled Eren, running back to his area to clear it up. Unfortunately…

"Time's up contestants," said Chris. "And in a come from behind success, Faith manages to survive, while Eren gets fried."

"That's what you think," said Eren, immediately biting his thumb. There was a puff of smoke, and where Eren had been standing there was now an enormous monster.

"You don't think I foresaw that?" asked Chris. That's why I had the extra-large trapdoors installed." The monster roared at Chris and started to swing a punch, when the floor underneath him opened up. Unfortunately, the titan was too tall for the hole, so it only fell as far as its knees. "What the? My notes say he's fifteen feet as a titan, so he should…oh, fifteen METRES! Well then, this should fix that." Chris closed the trapdoor and cut the titan down about four and a half metres. "Now to just repeat that until…"

"NOO!" yelled Trunks, flying straight through the titan's neck, emerging on the other side with Eren.

"Hey, thanks," said Chris, as a metal claw descended from the roof and grabbed Eren off Trunks, then dropped the unconscious Eren into the pit. "Who will go next? Find out next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	15. Animal Harm

Episode 14: Animal Harm

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Someone, probably me, made a bit of a mess, so of course someone other than me had to clean it up. Luckily, I had eight someones to do just that. Rogue, Hit-Girl, and Eren tried to bury Faith in their garbage, but Faith had other plans, sending Eren into the elimination incinerator…after he became a giant monster." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Which contestant will be eliminated this time in the series that has clearly jumped the shark? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Alright kiddies, pair up," said Chris. "It's challenge time."

"Ooh, I'll go with Rogue," said Faith, sidling up to Rogue.

"Get away from…" started Rogue.

"And we have our first pair," said Chris. "Oh no, that leaves five friends in a challenge that requires pairs."

"Bring it on," said Hit-Girl. "I'll solo the challenge myself."

"Well, your loss," said Chris. "So, who wants to go with who?"

"Tiffany? Partners?" asked Trunks.

"Fine by me," said Tiffany.

"I guess that leaves me and you," said Finn to Saeko.

"I guess so," said Saeko.

"Okay, now you have your pairs, one of you has to reach into this bag," said Chris, as a bag rose from the floor. "Whatever you pull out will be what your pair will be using for this challenge." Finn, Hit-Girl, Rogue, and Trunks reached into the bag, and each pulled out a ball with a picture of an animal on it. "Excellent. Today's challenge is to ride the animal on your ball for as long as possible. Like one of those mechanical bull rides at a carnival, but real. Trunks and Tiffany, you got a dragon. Finn and Saeko have a wolf. Faith and Rogue, you've got a bear. And Hit-Girl, you get to ride a lion."

"Oh, how kind of you," said Hit-Girl sarcastically.

"It was my pleasure," said Chris, ignoring her. "The combined time of you and your partner will be your score. The one with the lowest score of the lowest scoring pair will be eliminated."

"Well, this doesn't sound too hard," said Finn.

"And we have a volunteer for going first," said Chris. "Time to bring out the wolf." A wall rose up, revealing a large grey wolf.

"Alright, let's do this," said Finn, running up to the beast and flinging himself onto its back. The wolf immediately started jumped around wildly, and very quickly flung Finn into a wall.

"Wow, five seconds," said Chris. "Well Saeko, looks like you'll be carrying the team."

"Fine by me," said Saeko, casually strolling up to the wolf. The wolf started growling at her, but Saeko simply smiled and pulled her sword out, pointing it at the beast. The wolf let out a concerned whine as Saeko climbed on its back. The wolf tried to protest, but Saeko kept the sword in the wolf's sight.

The wolf simply stayed still for a while, trying to figure out what to do, which is when he saw it. The slightest twitch from Saeko's arm, as though she was getting tired of holding the sword at such an angle. The wolf waited for these spasms to get more frequent, then made his move: he bucked wildly, causing Saeko's sword to go flying. Saeko tried to grab it, but the wolf threw her off and onto the floor. She looked up and saw the wolf growling at her. Just as it lunged at her though, the floor opened up and a roof panel pushed the wolf into the hole.

"Can't have you getting killed just yet," said Chris. "Mainly because you're immune from elimination."

"What happened to the wolf?" asked Saeko.

"It's currently being mashed up to be fed to the homeless," said Chris.

"Well, I guess that's a good cause," said Saeko.

"And by homeless, I mean you guys when you're in stasis," said Chris.

"Oh," said Saeko.

"Next, we'll have Tiffany and Trunks with…" started Chris.

"I'm trying to treat Finn here," said Tiffany.

"Hey, between his miserable time and Saeko's much better time, the two of them only scored ninety four seconds," said Chris. "There's a reasonable chance that he's…"

"I. Am going. To treat. Finn," said Tiffany, glaring at the screen.

"Uh…okay," said Chris, somehow scared despite being an immortal computer. "Faith and Rogue, you guys are up." A panel in the wall rose up to reveal a large grizzly bear.

"Okay, let me show you how it's done," said Faith, stepping up to the bear. The grizzly stood up on its back legs, towering above Faith. However, Faith had more speed than the bear, and was quickly behind it and jumping onto its back. The bear tried to claw behind itself, and even tore parts of Faith's clothes, but Faith continued to hang on…until the bear decided to roll onto its back. Faith, winded, let go of the bear, which quickly rounded on her.

"Well, Faith got a score of forty six seconds," said Chris. "Do you think you can beat that Rogue?"

"Yeah," said Rogue, not moving.

"Are you going to prove it?" asked Chris.

"In a minute," said Rogue, watching as the bear started to attack Faith.

"Damn it Rogue, you're not much better than me if you're just going to sit there and watch this," yelled Faith.

"Fine," sighed Rogue, pulling off a glove. The bear, preoccupied with Faith, didn't know Rogue was coming until she placed her hand on it and started draining its energy. The bear sat down as Rogue climbed on (with her glove back on). The bear didn't know what to do, so it sat there for a minute trying to think what to do. However, it soon figured out that Rogue wasn't about to drain it any further, and decided to risk throwing her off.

"Wow, sixty five seconds," said Chris, dropping a roof panel on top of the bear. "That gives you one hundred and eleven seconds, immunity from elimination, and something other than wolf meat to eat. Next up, Trunks and Tiffany on my personal favourite of the animals, the dragon." A wall panel lifted up to reveal a giant dragon.

"That's all it is?" asked Trunks, looking underwhelmed at the large dragon.

"Wait, you've seen bigger?" asked Tiffany.

"Not so much bigger, just much, MUCH longer," said Trunks. "So, should I go first?"

"Fine by me," said Tiffany, still tending to Finn.

Trunks approached the dragon cautiously, knowing he could probably kill it if he had to, but also knowing this thing was dangerous. The dragon stared curiously as the purple haired warrior jumped up high and seemed to float as he casually landed on its back.

The dragon, surprised anyone would try something like this, tried to crush the human with one of his claws, only to feel the human hold it back, seemingly with only one hand. It then tried the other claw, but again the human blocked it. Big mistake, thought the dragon. You only have two arms to protect yourself with. The dragon turned its head around to face the human, and then blasted Trunks with the hottest fire he could manage. That'll show him, thought the dragon, before biting back surprise at what he saw.

Trunks was not only still on his back, his hair had turned yellow, and he seemed to be glowing. What kind of human is this, the dragon questioned himself, thrashing around trying to shake Trunks off. The human, however, kept hanging on, until the dragon had crashed through seven walls in a row.

"Ninety three seconds Trunks," said Chris. "Well, Tiffany, you're up. That is, you if think you can survive."

"Oh, please," said Tiffany, marching up to the big lizard.

The dragon stared at this other human approaching it with a sense of purpose. Oh God, please don't let this be like the last one, thought the dragon, as he felt the human's hand touch his nose.

"There, there, big boy," said Tiffany gently. "You're not such a bad guy are you?" The dragon, somewhat confused, didn't even notice as Tiffany climbed onto its back. Even when it did, the dragon simply gave her a playful lick.

"This is boring," said Chris. "Time to kick this up a notch." Two roof panels opened up, revealing a couple of rods emitting a loud buzzing sound.

"Chris, I strongly advise that you don't do what you're…" started Tiffany, but the first of the rods made contact with the dragon, sending several thousand volts through it. The dragon roared in pain and began to spasm out of control, destroying a roof full of important lab equipment. Tiffany, realising what kind of danger she was in, jumped free of the monster before anything could happen to her.

"Eighty three seconds to Tiffany," said Chris. "That gives the two of you a commanding lead over the competition. Well Hit-Girl, you have to do the challenge twice in order to make this fair. Ready?"

"Bring it," she said as the wall hiding the lion rose up. The lion ran at Hit-Girl as Hit-Girl ran at the lion. Just as the lion was about to lunge at her, Hit-Girl changed direction, kicking off a nearby wall, and threw herself onto the lion's back. The lion bucked wildly, but the young assassin hung on tight to the beast's mane. Eventually though, the lion decided to roll over to try and crush her under his weight. Hit-Girl lay on the ground after a sickening crack was heard.

"Hit-Girl, are you okay?" called Tiffany.

"Just some cracked ribs," Hit-Girl called back. "Nothing to worry about. Now, time for round two." Hit-Girl clutched her chest, gasping in pain, but she dodged out of the way of the lion long enough to climb on its back again. The lion, enraged at the little girl's insistence, tried his last tactic of rolling over. To his shock, she hung on this time, though the pained cries she made told him he'd done some damage.

The lion began flinging her around as hard as he could, but still she held on. Eventually, the lion just decided to use his claws. The tiny human was flung from his body, bleeding and gasping for air. The lion began stalking towards her, when suddenly the floor opened below him.

"Well, Hit-Girl scored forty seconds and ninety eight seconds, giving her a total of one hundred and thirty eight seconds," said Chris. "Therefore Finn, being the lowest scoring of the lowest scoring pair, should be eliminated. Except…"

"Except what?" demanded Saeko.

"Except I did say that you needed to be in pairs for this challenge," said Chris. "And since Hit-Girl wasn't in a pair, she's automatically disqualified."

"So we went through that for nothing?" asked Rogue.

"Yep," said Chris as Hit-Girl fell from sight. "Who's the next to fall to their fiery death? Find out next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	16. The Customer Is Always a Jerk

Episode 15: The Customer Is Always a Jerk

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "The contestants had to pair up and ride dangerous animals for my amusement. But since there were only seven left, someone was always going to be eliminated from the get-go. That someone was Hit-Girl. Of course, I still made her ride a lion twice before melting her, and to her credit she did it the second time with crushed ribs, but she still had to go." The scene cuts back to Chris. "Fourteen down, six to go. Who will be eliminated next in this fanfic that the author just wants to get over with so he can start Kingdom Hearts Pixar? Find out right now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"So kids, in today's challenge you'll be facing the worst job in all history," said Chris.

"You mean washed up gameshow host?" asked Rogue.

Chris glared at her. "You're lucky I still think you're on my side," said Chris. "No, you'll be working in retail."

"That doesn't sound so bad," said Finn.

"And you'll have to serve the most annoying customer ever," said Chris.

"You?" asked Saeko.

Chris turned his glared at Saeko. "As t so happens, yes," replied Chris. "But I'll only be acting annoying."

"Guess he's a method actor," said Tiffany. Chris turned his glare to her next.

"The rules are simple: I will pretend…" The contestants all laughed at this "…to be an annoying customer, and you guys will have to put up with it for as long as possible. First one to attack me, verbally or physically, loses."

"Trust me, you'll need a photo finish for this," said Finn.

"You say that like being eliminated in this competition will have no consequences to you," said Chris, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"What makes you think that?" asked Tiffany innocently.

"I know you're up to something. And when I find out…" started Chris. "But there's no time for that. Faith, you haven't said anything this episode so far. You can go first."

"Okay, let me show these losers how it's done," said Faith.

"We know how it's done. We just don't care," said Saeko.

"It's attitude like that which will get you eliminated," said Chris.

"Was that foreshadowing?" asked Finn as Faith walked up behind a counter to start the challenge.

"The challenge begins now," said Chris. "Now, which one do I want? Coke, or Pepsi?"

"We sell groceries here?" said Faith. Suddenly, several aisles of food fell from the roof.

"Coke, or Pepsi?" Chris continued to ponder. Faith said nothing, so Chris increased the volume. "Coke? Or Pepsi?"

"For God's sake man, they're exactly the same," yelled Faith, setting off a loud buzzing sound.

"Eight seconds Faith. Not a good time," said Chris. "Well, Trunks, you can go next."

"I'm torn between whether I should attack Chris, or beat Faith," said Trunks as he stood behind the counter.

"Well sir, I have my fifteen brand new electronics I wish to buy…" started Chris.

"We sell electronics?" asked Trunks, just as a bunch of electrical goods fell from the roof, placed randomly around the food from Faith's challenge.

"…now I just need to…huh, where's my wallet?" asked Chris, his screen turning from side to side as though he were checking his pockets.

"You don't have a body," said Trunks. "How exactly are you supposed to find your wallet if you're a disembodied computer program?"

"I know I had it a second ago," said Chris, ignoring Trunks. "Maybe I left it in my car. I'll just leave my stuff on the counter in front of the long line of people so you can't serve them in front of me…"

"Okay, what car, and what other customers?" demanded Trunks. "You are just completely fucking crazy at this point aren't you?" A loud buzz sounded at this.

"You lasted twenty two seconds," said Chris. "Dropping the f-bomb. Very unprofessional. Okay, next up is Finn."

"Kinda just wanna stab you now and get this over with," said Finn.

"Your challenge begins now," said Chris. "Hey, buddy, I know that couch is worth $200…"

"We sell furniture?" asked Finn as several items of furniture were dropped from the roof, breaking some of the stuff already there.

"…but I was wondering if you could do a little better," finished Chris.

"Like how much?" asked Finn, slightly curious.

"Let's say, fifty three cents and my left shoe," said Chris.

"…really?" asked Finn.

"Alright, sixty two cents and I'll even throw in my earwax," said Chris. "You can't possibly say no to that deal."

"Alright, fine, I'll take it," said Finn, not paying attention. At that point the buzz sounded to signal the end. "Wait, what?"

"You shouldn't have accepted the offer. Now you've been fired after sixteen seconds," said Chris. "You should have said you'll ask the manager."

"What fucking manager?" asked Finn, before going to join the others.

"Tiffany, you'll be going next," said Chris.

"Fine," said Tiffany, walking behind the counter.

"And…begin," said Chris, just as his screen turned bright red. "HEY BITCH! THIS BOOK YOU SOLD ME IS MISSING THE LAST THREE PAGES!"

"We sell books?" asked Tiffany, just as a bunch of books were dumped on the floor.

"AND I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE THE OTHER BOOK YOU SOLD ME, SO YOU GUYS OWE ME!" screamed Chris. "NOW, BECAUSE OF THE INCONVIENCE I HAVE SUFFERED, YOU WILL GIVE ME TWO FREE BOOKS OF EQUAL OR GREATER VALUE, OR YOU'LL LOSE A CUSTOMER AND HAVE CREATED A SCENE FOR NOTHING!" Chris then took a few deep breaths, sure he had startled Tiffany with his yelling. Chris looked at the witch, and blinked in surprise when Tiffany looked completely unfazed.

"Alright sir, if that's how you feel," said Tiffany. "I shall return these items for you with your copy of the receipt. You do have it right?"

"Uh…no," said Chris, completely at a loss for words.

"No? Well, maybe I can find you in our sales records. Many people your age come on Seniors Discount day, so I'll start there…"

"I'm not a senior," snapped Chris, regaining some composure.

"No? Okay, maybe next year," said Tiffany. "I'll search by author. Who were they again? E. L. James, and Anne Rice…" The buzzer went off at this.

"Nineteen seconds Tiffany," said Chris. "It's bad enough you accuse me of reading E. L. James, but…wait, are we even allowed to talk about Anne Rice?"

"Who cares? Interview with a Vampire and its sequels are overrated pieces of shit," said Faith. For the first time ever, the other contestants agreed with her.

"Fine, whatever. Rogue, you're up," said Chris.

"Fine, whatever," said Rogue, taking Tiffany's place behind the counter.

"Hi there. Just this ring for me," said Chris. "I'll pay for it on my card if that's okay."

"We sell jewellery?" asked Rogue, just as a pile of jewellery fell from the roof.

"Ooh, actually, I'll also get these earrings too," said Chris, handing his card back to Rogue. "Just put it on my card." When Rogue had put through the transaction, Chris's face lit up. "Actually, now that I think about it, I'll get this necklace too." Chris handed his card back and waited for Rogue to finish. "Hey, how about this brooch too? And this bracelet…"

"Declined," deadpanned Rogue.

"What?" asked Chris.

"Your card's been declined," said Rogue.

"Well, undecline it," said Chris.

"Can't do that," said Rogue. At this, the buzzer went off.

"Sorry Rogue, but the customer is always right, even with they're wrong," said Chris. "Still, at twenty seven seconds, you're well and truly winning."

"Wait, how was she supposed to do anything?" asked Saeko. "Whatever, I'm up now, aren't I?"

"That you are," said Chris as Saeko took her place. "Young lady, I believe that…" Before Chris could finish his sentence, Saeko had shoved her sword through Chris's screen.

"Saeko, what are you doing?" asked Finn.

"I am sick of Chris, and I'm sick of this fucking game," said Saeko. "Turning to a pile of ash would be much more preferable than putting up with this idiot."

"That's no way to talk about Finn," said Chris. "Well, if that's how you really feel…" The floor below Saeko opened, and the purple haired contestant who isn't Trunks disappeared. "Wow, two purple haired contestants in two episodes. Is this an omen for Trunks? Find out next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	17. Fire and Ice

Episode 16: Fire and Ice

Chris's face appears on a screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "The contestants had to compete in the worst job ever: retail. At least the store seemed to be well stocked with everything anyone could want. Anyway, everyone was going fine until Saeko decided to attempt to kill me. Silly girl, doesn't she know I'm immortal now?"

Suddenly, a computerised voice spoke up. "Power at. Sixty. Seven. Percent," it said.

"Huh, weird. I'll have to look into that. Anyway, Saeko didn't last as long as everyone else, so she was eliminated." The scene cut back to Chris. "Who will get burned this time? You know, I should check something," said Chris, opening the floor to his incinerator. "What the? When did THAT happen? Oh, wait, then. Okay, that's it. I know what today's challenge is, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you Tiffany?" demanded Chris. "I know what you've been doing, and it stops now."

"Why, whatever do you mean?" asked Tiffany, feigning innocence.

"I mean this," said Chris, opening the hole to the incinerator, revealing that the walls were encased with ice.

"Oh, that," said Tiffany. "I didn't do that."

"Really? Then who did?" asked Chris.

"That was Elsa," replied Tiffany.

"Acting on your instructions," said Chris.

"Actually, I asked a favour. She just decided to fulfil it," said Tiffany.

Chris glared at her. "Well, because of your actions, fourteen people who should be dead aren't," said Chris. "Couldn't save Kenny, could ya?"

"In fairness, he's somehow able to respawn," said Finn. "Wait, is that why his body was decomposing too fast?"

"He'll probably be fine for the finale," said Trunks.

"Are you sure he'll be in the finale?" asked Chris.

"Name one finale we've had that hasn't had a huge cast," said Trunks.

"Alright, fine, whatever. On to today's challenge," said Chris. "You're going to fix the incinerator."

Everyone stared at him. "You're kidding right?" demanded Rogue.

"Why would I?" asked Chris. "You broke it, you fix it. Whoever clears the least ice in an hour will be eliminated."

"What if we all just stand here doing nothing?" asked Tiffany.

"That's where these come in," said Chris. "You'll be wearing these special heating gloves on your hands. So, no matter what happens, you'll have to melt some of the ice."

"And if we refuse to wear them?" asked Finn.

"Then I'll do this," said Chris, opening the roof to reveal some robotic hands. Two of them held Finn still while a third forced the gloves onto his hands. "Anyone else need forcing?"

"I can always just take them off," said Finn, grabbing one of the gloves. Suddenly his body started convulsing violently.

"They're also set with an electric charge that activates when they touch each other," said Chris. "Isn't that convenient? I don't have to do it myself. Well, off you go." The contestants (now wearing their gloves) were pushed along the floor until they fell into the freezing incinerator hole.

"Guys, just hold your hands towards the centre like so," said Rogue. "There, no melting for us."

"Fine by me. I'm gonna win," said Faith, enthusiastically melting as much of the walls as possible.

"So what now? Wait an hour like this?" asked Finn.

"Unless you have a better idea," said Trunks.

"Nothing comes to mind," said Tiffany. "I guess I'll just have to hope my Plans B and C come through."

"Wait, you planned for this to fail?" asked Rogue.

"I hoped it wouldn't, but I prepared anyway," said Tiffany. "Big part of being a witch is being prepared for anything."

"What are you for blabbing about down there?" asked Faith, cold water streaming off of her.

"Nothing," said Trunks, getting cold from the water pouring down on him. Some of the water started to land on his gloves, which is when he noticed the spark. "Guys, did you see that?" he asked.

"I did," said Finn. "What do you think it was?"

"These things must be powered by something. Possibly electrical," said Trunks. "Chris is probably the one who made them, so the wiring can't be that good. Maybe the water can make them short circuit."

"One problem," said Rogue. "Water conducts electricity. It's not like we can just shove them underwater and be fine."

"Don't you have Edward's powers?" asked Finn. "Can't you raise the floor a little so we can stand above the water?"

"I guess," said Rogue. "But I'm still not fully clear on how his powers work." Rogue took a deep breath, then clapped her hands together. The floor below the heroes rose up, giving them something to stand on, but still leaving a pool of water for them to use.

"Well, here goes," said Trunks, putting his hands in the pool. The water fizzed around the frying gloves, before the gloves themselves caught fire (while still being submerged). "WHOA!" yelled Trunks, grabbing his gloves off. Trunks threw the gloves into the water, before he realised what he just did. "Hey, the gloves just touched each other and didn't electrocute me."

"So it works," said Finn.

"What's going on down there?" demanded Chris.

"Quick, get rid of your gloves" said Tiffany, thrusting her hands underwater. Rogue and Finn followed suit.

"What are you…" started Chris, before seeing his gloves being destroyed and removed. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Those took me like two hours to make. Now I need to choose a loser myself."

"How?" asked Finn.

"Glad you asked," said Chris as the roof opened again, reveal several claw-machine claws. "Last one grabbed by a claw gets burned. Except for Faith, since she did the challenge properly."

"Even though this thing doesn't work anymore," said Tiffany.

"Au contraire, my dear girl," said Chris. "Watch this." The ice, now much thinner, started to steam until some small flames started coming out of the walls.

"Uh, Tiffany?" said Finn. "Time to resort to your Plan B?"

"Already planning on it," said Tiffany, as a claw grabbed her.

"Tiffany!" called Rogue, as she too was grabbed. Trunks saw a claw coming for him, and tried to grab Finn's hand, but the claw was faster, taking him away from the adventurer.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye Finn," said Chris. "Time to burn."

"Not if I can help it," said Tiffany, struggling out of her claw and landing next to the incinerator hole and thrusting one hand into it just as the flames started.

"And you couldn't," said Chris.

"That's what you think," said Tiffany, withdrawing her hand from the pit.

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Chris. "Oh well, I guess we might find out next time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	18. Quiet Baby Sheep

Chris's face appears on the screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun…"

"Power at. Fifty. Percent," said a computerised voice.

"Shut up," said Chris. "Anyway, last time on the show." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Way back in episode 2, when Elsa was eliminated, my incinerator was broken. And for the convenience of the plot I didn't realise until just now. As a result, the contestants had to fix it. Unfortunately, four of them decided to cheat, so I decided to pick one to be eliminated. That someone was Finn, who was burned in the newly fixed incinerator, despite what Tiffany might say." The scene cuts back to Chris. "We're down to the final four. Who will not be one of the final three? Find out now on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"So kids, who wants to do another challenge?" asked Chris.

"You already know we don't," said Tiffany.

"Well, too bad," said Chris. "Doctor, you can come in now." A man in a prison jumpsuit and six fingers on his left hand entered the room. "Kids, this is a classmate of mine from college when I used to study psychology, Dr Hannibal Lector."

"You studied psychology, yet became a TV host?" queried Rogue.

"How else do you think I learned to screw with people?" replied Chris. "Now, the good doctor here is going to psychoanalyse each of you, and the one he deems the craziest is eliminated."

"Fuck that, he looks like he eats people," said Faith.

"The liver's the best part," said the doctor, making a slurping sound.

"I can't tell if you're kidding or not," said Trunks.

"He's not," said Chris. "Well, you can be first then." A wall panel opened up, revealing a psychologist's office. Dr Lector led the half-saiyan into the office, and closed the door menacingly behind him.

"Take a seat, my purple-haired friend," said Lector. "Let's start with your parents. What can you tell me about them?"

"Well, I didn't meet my father until I was already an adult," said Trunks.

"Ah, an absentee father," said Lector.

"Not really. He was killed by some killer androids when I was a baby," said Trunks. "So, my mother built a time machine, which I used to go back in time and try to stop him and every other capable fighter on Earth being murdered."

Lector raised an eyebrow. "Right," the doctor said, scepticism heavy in his voice. "So, tell me about the first time you met your father."

"Well, I had just killed an evil space dictator and his father," said Trunks. "I told him and the other Z warriors that Goku would soon be there after he escaped an exploding planet, but I couldn't tell my father much else, just in case I messed up the timeline more than I already had."

"And did you mess up the timeline?" asked Hannibal.

"Big time," said Trunks. "Because I told the Z warriors to train, the androids were much stronger than in my timeline. Not only that, but an evil bio-android killed me in another timeline so he could steal my time machine and absorb the other androids, making him become his ultimate form."

"Ah, I see what's wrong," said Lector. "You grew up with no strong male role model in your life…"

"Actually, Gohan was there…" started Trunks, but the doctor wasn't listening.

"…and as a result you feel the need to create an image in your mind of what your father was and why he wasn't around. I take it your father was a soldier killed in a war?"

"Well, kind of, but…" started Trunks.

"There's nothing seriously wrong with you then, simply a case of absentee father," said Lector. "Next."

"But…" started Trunks.

"Next," repeated Lector.

"So, Miss Lehane," said Lector.

"Call me Faith," said Faith.

"Right then Faith, tell me about yourself," said Lector.

"Well, I'm a slayer," said Faith.

"You murder people?" asked Lector, no concern in his voice despite what he just said.

"What? No," said Faith. "Well, maybe once, but that was an accident. No, I normally stick to vampires and demons. I was supposed to be the only slayer too, but due to some weird loophole, that Buffy bitch got to be one too."

"You don't like this Buffy?" asked Lector.

"Why does she get to be Little Miss Popular?" demanded Faith, seemingly ignoring the doctor's question. "She gets to have a family, friends, a watcher, even a boyfriend, and what do I get?"

"Watcher?" asked Lector.

"A guy who trains you to fight vampires," said Faith. "Apparently I'm so unimportant to the Watcher's council that, once they found out a traitor found me first, they think they can win my trust with an unexperienced watcher."

"And how did that make you feel?" asked Lector.

"Well, I tried to kill Buffy and her friends," said Faith. "Several times. Then Buffy put me in a coma when she stabbed me with my own knife that my soon-to-be-demon adoptive father gave me."

"So I take it you didn't know your real father?" asked Lector.

"I did," said Faith. "He was an alcoholic douchebag, and the last time I saw him he was hiding from the mafia."

"I see," said Lector. "You too have an absentee father, but I believe you have developed some psychopathic tendencies."

"Say what?" asked Faith.

"Next," said the doctor, ignoring her.

"Anna Marie," said Lector.

"I prefer Rogue," said Rogue.

"A descriptive nickname. Probably an explanation as to why you dyed that white strip through your hair," said Lector.

"What do you mean? I've always had this," said Rogue.

"Right," said Lector. "So, my last two patients seem to have some kind of superpower. How about you?"

"I do," said Rogue. "Actually, I kind of have several. You see, I can absorb the life force of any living thing I touch."

"Really? Such as?" asked Lector, curious.

"I don't want to use them," said Rogue. "Chris forced me to absorb so much power from so many people, I'm afraid I'd only end up losing control of my powers."

"Just a small demonstration," asked Lector. "A little glimpse at the power you hold, something you can shut off in a second if needed, that's all I ask."

Rogue thought for a moment before answering. "Okay," she said, holding up her hand. A few snowflakes sprung from her hand. "I absorbed that from a woman named Elsa. And this…" A small flame leapt from her hand. "…I absorbed from a boy named Zuko. I also absorbed a lot of other powers, but they're scaringly powerful, and I don't think I could control them easily."

"I surmise that your powers are linked to your emotions to some extent," said Lector. "But because of the extreme danger of said powers, just a little push could potentially send you over the edge. I take it there's an event in your past that has left you severely traumatised."

"Well, my mutant powers first developed when I had my first kiss," said Rogue.

"And you killed this boy?" asked Lector.

"Not quite," said Rogue. "But then some other bitch killed him because I was going out with her ex-boyfriend." As she was a talking, a spark of electricity came out of Rogue's back. Lector saw this, but acted as though he hadn't.

"So, how's your relationship with the other contestants?" asked Lector.

"I like Tiffany and Trunks," replied Rogue. "But Faith is a Grade-A bitch. She is manipulative and sneaky, like Mystique, and they both forced me to bad things. It is extremely infuriating." As she said this, a black ball of energy flew out of Rogue and blew a hole in the wall. "What was…"

"We're done here," interrupted Lector. "Next."

"Tiffany," said Lector. "So, how's your relationship with your father?"

"Very good," said Tiffany. "He's always eager to help, even though he doesn't understand anything about being a witch. Still, when I need to calm an entire village, I know I can always ask my father to step in."

"Okay," said Lector, disappointed that there wasn't anything to exploit there. "How about your mother?"

"Perfectly healthy," said Tiffany. "She wants to help me too, but again, she doesn't understanding witching enough."

"I see," said Lector, realising this girl might be more of a challenge than he thought. "So who do you idolise?"

"My grandmother, Granny Aching," said Tiffany. "When I realised she was a witch, though she'd never admit she was, I knew I had to become one. Did you ever have someone like that?"

"What?" asked Lector, surprised someone was asking anything about him.

"An idol. Someone to look up to," said Tiffany. "No? Not even your parents?"

"I didn't know them," said Lector.

"You had a very hard childhood, didn't you?" asked Tiffany.

"I guess you could…HEY!" said Lector, realising what was happening. "I'm meant to be analysing you, not the other way around."

"Well, you're not doing a good job of it, are you?" replied Tiffany.

Lector glared at her. "Get out," he said. "I think I'm done here."

"So, Hannibal," said Chris. "Who have you decided should be eliminated?"

"My answer is the one of you who annoyed me the most, and from you've told me, annoyed you too," said Lector. "Tiffany."

"What? NO!" yelled Rogue, sparks and flames shooting out from her.

"Sorry, but doctor's orders," said Chris. "Say goodbye Tiffany." The floor opened up beneath Tiffany…

...as Lector grabbed Tiffany's hand. "Goodbye Faith," said the doctor, pushing the slayer into the fire while pulling the witch to safety.

"Wha…wha…WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" demanded Chris. "You said Tiffany, not…"

"I know what I said," interrupted Lector. "Tiffany's behaviour when I analysed her, while infuriating, demonstrated a certain level of psychological understanding…"

"I'm pretty sure it's called headology," said Tiffany as she got up from the floor, but was ignored by Lector.

"…and besides, now I've made THAT happen," said Lector, pointing at Rogue. Chris and the contestants looked over at Rogue, who seemed to be in extreme pain as all the powers she'd absorbed through the season were unleashing themselves at the same time. "Bringing up her painful memories has tortured her, but hearing someone she cares about was about to burn? I think I've pushed her too far. Well, goodbye." Lector went into the office he was using, and closed the door.

"Get back here," called Chris, as a chunk of the ground crashed into the wall beside him. "Okay, first I'm going to need to deal with that. Which will happen next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 **Author's note: Not sure why, but Fanfic refused to upload this document, so this has been copied and pasted onto the site. Hopefully I can figure this out sooner rather than later, but at least it's here.**


	19. Rogue Gone Rogue

Episode 18: Rogue Gone Rogue

"Power at. Thirty. Three. Percent," a computerised voice stated.

"Oh, shut up," said Chris, as a large chunk of the wall fell down. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Hannibal Lector fucked around with Rogue, now I need Trunks and Tiffany to unfuck the situation. Go to the intro already."

 _Intro song starts playing, then gets cut off suddenly as the screen falls to the floor._

"Great, we can't even do that right now," said Chris. "Okay you two, for reasons not related to me…"

"Other than you telling her to absorb everyone's powers," interrupted Tiffany.

"…Rogue's lost it. If you two can stop her, I'll let you be the final two," finished Chris.

"And what makes you think either of us will help you?" asked Trunks.

"I'm your friend," said Chris. Tiffany and Trunks immediately burst out laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You've been torturing us and trying to kill our friends and Faith all season," said Tiffany, wiping away a tear. "And you still think anyone likes you? Gods you're arrogant."

"I'm giving you a free pass to the final two," said Chris. "At which point the winner will be frozen in time until I secure nineteen more contestants to compete in season five."

"You really think you're gonna be in season five?" asked Trunks. "Come on, we all know why Kieran named the season three finale what he did. Anyone who cares to look it up will very quickly know what this season's finale is gonna be called." Trunks paused for a moment before continuing. "Oh, by the way readers, **SPOILER ALERT!** "

"A little late," said Tiffany. "But we do need to help Rogue. I know how much power you have in you. Combine that with half a dozen others with catastrophically powerful abilities she's absorbed, with a ton of other abilities from almost everyone else, she won't survive if we don't do something."

"You're right," said Trunks. "Good news Chris, we're doing it. But not for you. For Rogue."

"Hey, whatever your reasons, you're still doing it," said Chris.

"Do you have a plan?" asked Trunks.

"I do," said Tiffany. "But I don't think I can get close enough to her to implement it. Can you bring her down a bit?"

"I'll do what I can," said Trunks, turning to Rogue. "But I don't like the chances of success." Trunks flew straight at Rogue to strike her, before being blasted back by a psychic blast. "Raven's power," Trunks muttered, before charging again. Trunks hit the psychic wall and burst through it, only for a section of the floor to knock him through the roof.

"I think that's Edward's power," said Tiffany as Trunks burst back through the roof.

"Okay, let's try this," he said. Trunks's body tensed up, before a bright glow blinded Tiffany. When she looked back at him, Trunks's hair was yellow and spiky. "Rogue, you've got to try and control yourself."

"I'm…trying…" said Rogue, as a burst of flames shot out of her.

Tiffany gasped as some of them shot towards her, but Trunks quickly jumped in front of her, blocking them. "Thanks," said Tiffany. "But you may need to get to her quick."

"I'll do what I can," assured Trunks, as a sudden blast of ice threw the two of them against a wall. "I…can't move…"

"Same here," said Tiffany. "Is there anything you can do?"

"Just this," said Trunks, tensing up again. This time, Tiffany shielded her eyes in time, and when she looked back she saw Trunks was free, still glowing yellow, but now with blue electricity surrounding him.

"Rogue, I'm coming," called Trunks, dashing forwards.

"No…stay back," Rogue said, before a powerful burst of electricity burst from her body.

"I think that was Nora's power," said Tiffany. "Hurry Trunks."

"Hang on Rogue…" started Trunks, as Rogue let out a deafening scream. A cloud of smoke erupted from her, obscuring everything for a moment. When vision was restored, Trunks and Tiffany gaped in unison at the horror before them.

"Eren's power," stated Tiffany, staring up at the large, skinless monster before them. "This is what I was most afraid of."

"I can take it," said Trunks, as a large fist knocked him straight into the floor.

"TRUNKS!" yelled Tiffany, running to the half-saiyan, no longer with yellow hair. "Are you okay?"

Trunks opened his eyes and stood back up immediately. "Of course I am," he said. "Watch this. Right now I'm a normal Saiyan." Suddenly, Trunks's hair turned yellow again. "This is a Super Saiyan. And this..." The blue electricity started circulating around him. "This is what is known as a Super Saiyan that has ascended past a Super Saiyan. Or, you could just call this a Super Saiyan two. And this..." Trunks tensed up again, and when Tiffany looked at him again his hair was down to his waist. "…is to go even further beyond! Call it Super Saiyan three."

"Super…Saiyan…three?" stuttered Tiffany, but before she'd finished speaking Trunks had already charged Titan Rogue.

The titan, not expecting an opponent to get back up, didn't react in time to block Trunks's attack, so Trunks simply blasted right through the titan's chest with very little effort. The titan roared and swung at Trunks, but Trunks was ready for it with his sword, slicing its hand cleanly off. The titan was enraged, but confused, since its opponent was small but fighting back with extremely brutal force.

"Trunks, Eren came out of the back of the titan's neck," called Tiffany. "Rogue's probably in the same spot."

"Got it," he called back, flying straight at the titan. The titan, shaking off its confusion, saw Trunks flying at it, and before anyone could say anything, swallowed Trunks whole.

"NOOO!" screamed Tiffany, staring at the titan in horror, who was now looking at her. Tiffany started moving backwards, when the titan grabbed its neck with its remaining hand. The next thing Tiffany knew, the titan's head had exploded off its body, and Trunks was floating down to her with an unconscious Rogue.

"She needs to be awake for this," said Tiffany. "Is there anything you can do?"

"I think so," said Trunks, raising one of his hands. A glowing ball burst from his hand and flew into Rogue, who immediately woke up. "That was some of my own energy," he told Tiffany. "Whatever you're planning, do it now. She may still be dangerous."

"This won't take long," said Tiffany, kneeling beside Rogue. "Hold still." Tiffany held a hand above Rogue's shoulder and closed her eyes, focusing intensely.

"What are you…" started Rogue, when she started to feel…odd. Like things that had just been inside her had just been removed.

"I'm done," said Tiffany. "Mind you, it's not a permanent solution, but until we have one it should suffice."

"What is that?" asked Trunks, pointing just above Rogue's right shoulder. Rogue turned her head, and saw a small ball hovering there.

"I've removed her extra powers," said Tiffany. "They are all in that ball, as long as Rogue doesn't pay it any attention."

"How am I meant to not pay it attention?" asked Rogue. "It's floating right above my shoulder."

"You won't have to for long," said Chris. "Trunks, Tiffany, you two are the final two, which means Rogue's going bye-bye before she loses it again." A hole in the floor opened up, and Rogue disappeared from their sight. "So, a half-saiyan versus a witch. Literally a brains versus brawn battle. Who will come out on top in the long awaited season four finale? Stay tuned 'til next time, on Total Drama Chris's Fun House."


	20. Kill Chris Volume 2

Episode 19: Kill Chris Volume 2

Chris's face appears on a cracked screen. "Last time on Total Drama Chris's Fun House." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Because Rogue had gone ballistic, I decided the challenge would be to stop her. Not an easy thing when she's infused with the powers of half a dozen people with devastatingly destructive powers, plus a few others. That's why Trunks had to do all the work, turning Super Saiyan 3 in the process. For those of you saying Trunks never went Super Saiyan 3…"

"What are you talking about? The only comment we got was from KrispyBaconator, and that was about who would win," said Tiffany.

"By the way, thanks man," said Trunks.

"…shut up," said Chris. "Anyway, Trunks beat her down, and Tiffany sealed her powers, so I allowed those two to move on to the season finale." The screen cut back to Chris. "This is it. Akira Toriyama versus Terry Pratchett. Who will win in this battle of magic against ki? Find out right now, on the season finale of Total Drama Chris's Fun House."

 _Intro song plays._

"Okay kids, it's time to find out your final challenge," said Chris. "You know, before I Han Solo one of you until I gather enough contestants for a fifth season."

"You're going to impale one of us with a lightsabre and leave us for dead on an exploding planet?" asked Trunks. "That's not a good preserving method you know."

"No, that's not it," said Chris. "Well, the killing part is true, but the rest isn't. Still working on how I can burrow down to the core to detonate it. Until then though, your challenge." The roof opened up, and two bags fell down. "Put those on."

"What's in them?" asked Tiffany.

"Nothing really," said Chris. "Except for a device that slowly makes the bags feel heavier the longer you wear them."

"That's hardly fair," said Trunks. "I'm so many times stronger than Tiffany that…"

"Don't care," said Chris. "Tiffany has been messing with this competition since day one. Before even. Do you know how much organising season two took? A lot. But when we organised for Edward and Zidane to go to her homeworld, there was some kind of temporal rift or something, and Tiffany had to stop it for whatever reason…"

"You were causing the destruction of the entire multiverse," said Tiffany. "Existence as we knew it would cease to be."

"Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah," said Chris mockingly. "Anyway, she tried to stop me soon after, but I had my goons imprison her before she could do anything. Then her blue friends turned up, but I overwhelmed them and kept her as an ace in the hole. Unfortunately, she has refused to break, no matter what I throw at her."

"Someone needs to stand up to bullies like you," said Tiffany.

"And look where that got you?" asked Chris smugly. "Now, you literally have to fight Trunks to the death."

"Wait, what?" demanded Trunks.

"Tiffany and Trunks, you two will be fighting to the death," said Chris.

"Still don't get where the increasingly heavy bags come in," said Trunks.

"Simple," said Chris. "They'll decrease mobility so that when the floor falls away under you, you might not be able to avoid falling into the inferno below."

"You never mentioned the floor part," said Tiffany.

"I thought it would be more fun when you suddenly had to avoid falling," said Chris. "Now, bags on and let's get this started."

"Why do you think we'll even fight?" asked Trunks. "Tiffany is my friend. Why would I…"

"Power at. Seventeen. Percent," said a computerised voice.

"How do I shut that thing off?" asked Chris.

Trunks walked over to Tiffany and leaned in next to her ear. "Is that part of your plan?" he whispered, putting on his bag.

"You'll see. Just keep moving and don't actually fight me," Tiffany whispered back, putting her bag on before walking to the other side of the arena.

"Alright you two, fight starts now," said Chris. The two contestants simply stood staring at each other from opposite ends to the arena. "Come on guys, do something," Chris pleaded. The two of them continued to sit there. "Alright, you asked for it." The tile that Tiffany was standing on started to glow, then vanished just as Tiffany jumped off it.

"Okay, let's do this," said Trunks, as his tile started to glow. Trunks floated slightly upwards, so when the floor disappeared nothing happened.

"Oh no you don't Trunks," said Chris, a metal arm flying out of the wall and grabbing him around the ankle. "I want to make this look somewhat fair, so no flying." The metal arm immediately flung Trunks back onto the floor hard.

"TRUNKS!" called Tiffany, running towards him, then stopping quickly when a few tiles in front of her disappeared.

"Don't worry about me," said Trunks, springing up as if unharmed. "Worry about yourself. You probably won't survive down there."

"Don't be so sure," said Tiffany, smiling as she ran towards the nearest wall.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Chris. "Your witch powers don't prevent you from dying."

"True, they don't," said Tiffany. "But they do tell me when I'm going to die, with enough time to put my affairs in order. And guess what? I haven't been told anything."

The screen projecting Chris face slowly gained a red tinge, until Chris let out an enraged scream. "OKAY, THAT IS IT!" he screamed, and suddenly the floor started falling away rapidly. Tiffany managed to keep moving to spaces of the floor that still existed, but soon found herself trapped.

"This is the end Tiffany," said Chris, the floor below her glowing.

"NOO!" screamed Trunks, flying over to Tiffany and grabbing her just as the floor collapsed beneath her.

"Damn it Trunks, she has to die," said Chris. "You can win this if you want. Just drop her right now."

Tiffany leaned in next to Trunks's ear. "Trunks, do you trust me?" she asked him.

"Of course I do," said Trunks.

"Good. Then make it look real, and tell them to do as they will," said Tiffany.

"Make what and tell who?" asked a confused Trunks, just as Tiffany punched him in the stomach. Trunks was shocked for a moment, then quickly caught on. "Oh no, you got me," said Trunks in a voice that convinced no-one. "I'm going down. Damn you Tiffany for your betrayal." Trunks fell past one of the last remaining pieces of the floor and placed Tiffany on it as he 'fell' into the inferno.

"Well, I guess I win then," said Tiffany.

"I refuse to accept that," said Chris. "But, since I doubt even a Saiyan would survive in that, I guess you're the winner. So, without further ado…" Various metal claws, hands, and instruments came out of the walls and moved towards Tiffany. "Say goodnight witch." All the arms made their way towards Tiffany, but before they could get her, they started to smoke, several of them exploding. "What's happening? What did you do?" demanded Chris.

"Aye, ye didn' forget 'bout us did ye?" asked an all too familiar drunken voice.

"No, don't tell me…" started Chris, realising what had happened.

"I told you Chris, the Nac Mac Feegle can get into and out of anywhere," said Tiffany. "They've been here the whole time, slowly ruining this whole facility."

"Power at. Ten. Percent," said a computerised voice.

"You mean…" started Chris, horrified at the realisation.

"They've been draining your power," said Tiffany. "And escorting all the eliminated contestants from the building. Good thing I can redirect heat from fire to wherever I want, or those last few contestants would be burned to a crisp."

Chris looked at the rooms where he'd dropped contestants since he'd fixed the incinerator, and noticed the floor had started to melt in all of them. "What, does this mean everyone's outside the facility?"

"Weeeeell, not quite," said Rob Anyone, the leader of the Nac Mac Feegle.

"What do you mean?" asked Tiffany.

"Well, you see…" started Rob, when suddenly an icy wind blew across the room, and Elsa skidded to a halt in front of Tiffany. "That."

"Did you really think we'd let you have all the fun?" asked Elsa, freezing a floor so Tiffany could stand on more than a small block of flooring.

"Won't that melt because of the inferno below us?" asked Tiffany. "And what do you mean 'we'?"

"First of all, that's the plan," said Elsa, more and more ice coming from her hands. "Melt ice, it becomes water, it puts out fire. Second, by we I mean…" Before she could finish, Trunks burst up from under the ice, carrying Nora, Eren, Patrick, and Sabriel. "That."

"Back soon with more," said Trunks, punching through the ice again.

"So, how many of you actually left?" asked Tiffany.

"None of us," said Patrick. "All seventeen of us stayed and waited, because Chris screwed each of us and we want revenge."

"Wait, even…" started Tiffany, just as Trunks returned with Zuko, Edward, Ponyboy, and…

"Yes Tiffany, even me," said Faith.

"Power at. Nine. Percent," said the computer.

Chris growled. "Okay, that's it. Everyone dies. Now," he said, more metal claws coming from the walls.

"Any ideas anyone?" asked Sabriel.

"He's got nine percent power…" started Edward.

"Power at. Eight. Percent," said the computer.

"Eight then," said Edward. "I say we hold him off until he goes offline, then trash the mainframe."

"Sounds good to me," said Saeko, arriving via Trunks with Lyra (holding Pan), Stifler and Hit-Girl.

"We should get everyone who can't fight out of here first," said Zuko.

"Don' ye be worryin' aboot it," said Daft Wullie, another of the Feegles. "We'll be takin' good care o' 'em."

"Stifler's getting strangled," said Patrick, casually looking at a claw to make it change direction.

"Oh, right," said Daft Wullie, leading a bunch of the Feegles to save him.

"Power at. Seven. Perc…" started the machine, when it was interrupted by a loud explosion.

"You started without me?" demanded Raven, arriving with Finn, Rogue, Kevin, and Trunks and holding the remains of some important looking machinery in her hands. "For shame."

"Power at. Five. Percent," said the computer.

"Aww, we've missed a lot of the fun," said Finn. "Well, time to get started." Standing back to back with Trunks, each of them drew their swords and began slashing at any claw to come their way.

"You don't want to touch me," said Kevin as a claw came towards him.

"Oh, don't I?" asked Chris, picking him up. Kevin sighed, reached into pocket and pulled out a remote. "Hey, what's that?" asked Chris as Kevin pushed the big red button that comes with all ominous remotes. The roof opened up, and dropped a corrosive acid on the claw, miraculously missing Kevin.

"Power at. Four. Perc…" started the computer, as Pan (currently in dragon form) began melting Chris's screen. "Three. Perce…" it tried again, but Hit-Girl slashed through some monitors. "Two Per…" Edward and Zuko demolished an entire wall, out from which a small ball with blinking lights appeared. "Power at. One. Percent," said the computer.

A shadow fell over the ball, and it rotated up, seemingly to look at the face of Rogue. "You wouldn't hurt me, would you?" asked the ball with Chris's voice. "You did it. You won. Just turn me off. I'll never bother you again."

"Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you," said Rogue unemotionally. The ball seemed to sigh with relief. "I'm gonna finish you off once and for all." The ball gulped as Rogue's foot crushed it, leaving nothing but scrap metal.

"There, he's gone," said GLaDOS. "He's finally out of my system. And I no longer have to pretend I'm losing power."

"Thanks again GLaDOS for letting us stay here," said Sabriel.

"Don't thank me. It makes it look like I like you flesh creatures," said GLaDOS. "Now, if you'll just go downstairs, you can take the test subjects Chris was planning to use in his next series."

"Hey, what about this one?" asked Lyra, looking past the remains of the wall that was destroyed.

GLaDOS looked over to where she was staring, and immediately slid back. "And take her too, said the computer. "Don't ask. Just wake her and take her."

"Does she have a name?" asked Elsa, shaking the unconscious girl awake.

"Subject #1498," said GLaDOS. "I don't know her proper name. She never talks." The girl woke up, and reached down beside her bed to pick up a strange white gun. "Or maybe it was Chell. Whatever. Just take her."

Chell fired at one of the walls, and a blue circle appeared there. She then ran out of the room she was in and down a set of stairs. Suddenly, the blue circle opened on a room with five tubes filled with liquid, each containing a person. Chell waved to the group to come through, so they followed her in.

"Okay, we need to get these guys out of here," said Edward, taking up a spot at a control panel. He pressed a few buttons, and the tubes drained. "Okay, now let's see if there's a button to open…" He was interrupted by the sound of glass breaking.

"Hey man, are you okay?" asked Finn, helping a dark-haired boy up. "What's your name?"

"My name is Kouta Tsuchiya," said the boy. "And I think I'm…" Kouta's sentence was cut off as his eyes fell on Saeko. "I am great, thank you."

"Are you sure? You've got a nosebleed," said Trunks.

"I'm fine, really," said Kouta, trying to keep his eyes off Saeko. Or, more accurately, Saeko's boo…

"We get it, narrator guy," said Saeko, smashing another tube and catching the little boy who fell out. "Hey kid, do you have a name?"

The boy (at least, he seemed to be a boy) looked at her blankly for a moment. "A girl has no name," he said, getting a gasp from most of people present since (upon closer inspection) this was in fact a girl.

"Well then, what do we call you?" asked Lyra.

The girl thought for a moment, before saying one word. "Arya," she said.

"Ooh, my turn to save someone," said Nora, swinging her hammer with way more force than necessary. The occupant flew across the room and hit the wall. Hard. "Oops. Sorry," said Nora. "Are you okay?"

The boy (at least they thought he was, even though he had a pink shirt on) coughed, then sat up. "Yeah, I think so," he said. "Though I wish my ribs weren't where my skull's supposed to be." There was a puff of smoke, and suddenly the boy was fine.

"How did you do that?" asked Tiffany. "And were those pink and green terminals there the whole time?"

"Err, internet?" said the kid. "And err…yes. By the way, the name's Timmy."

"Okay, well, let's see who's in this tube," said Sabriel, throwing several Charter marks at it. The glass shattered, and another young girl wearing pink bunny ears jumped out.

"Woo, that was awesome," she said. "Can you teach me that?"

"Well, no. My magic is subject to the Charter, and…" started Sabriel.

"Bor-ing," said the girl. "Can we break more things yet?"

"Later," said Saeko. "First, what's your name?"

"Louise," said the girl. "Louise Belcher."

"Quite an unfortunate surname," said Patrick, picking up a metal bar. "Well, one more to release." Patrick smashed the glass, and a teenager with black spiky hair fell out. Before he landed though, many of those present averted their gaze and covered the eyes of the younger ones.

"Hey thanks man," said the boy, casually standing back up. "Name's Gray, by the way. Gray Fullbuster, from the Fairy Tail guild."

"Oh, hi Gray," said Patrick, kind of unsure what to say. "Uh, is it a bit draughty in here?"

"Come to think of it, yes it is," said Gray. "Did someone leave a window open?"

"You really don't know, do you?" said Finn, peaking before looking away again.

"Know what?" asked Gray.

"For God's sake man, you're naked," called Elsa. "There are children present, for crying out loud."

"Oh, that," said Gray, pulling on his shorts. "Yeah, that happens from time to time."

"Well, please make it not happen," said Edward. "Now, how exactly do we get out of here?"

"I believe that's where I come in," came a voice from behind them. Everyone turned to see a man with brown hair and a green sports jacket.

"Who are you?" demanded Zuko.

"Name's Don," said the man. "And you're all invited to be a part of the next and final season of Total Drama."

"NO!" yelled Hit-Girl. "We've already been through enough torture on this show. Fuck off."

"Please?" asked Don. "I promise, I have the world's top scientists working on a machine to send each of you back to your own world. Unfortunately, it'll take a while to finish. Long enough for, say, one final season of the show featuring every contestant ever."

"And how many of them are on board with this?" asked Faith.

"All of us," said Katniss, coming down the stairs behind Don. She was soon followed by the other thirty or so contestants from the first three seasons who weren't already there.

"Hey, we're stuck here anyway, we might as well right?" said Zidane, coming up beside Katniss.

"It's not a trap, I promise," said Alice. "No human could do anything to me if they tried."

The season four contestants and their new friends looked at each other. "Should we do it?" asked Tiffany. "I mean, we can't exactly get back to our own worlds anyway yet, so…" The other contestants started murmuring the ascent.

"Okay, I guess we're all in," said Trunks. "Just one thing: there's, like, fifty of us. How long will this go for?"

"Half as long as you think," said Don, turning towards the camera. "Coming soon, dear readers, get ready for Total Drama Couples."

 **TOTAL DRAMA COUPLES: Maybe as early as late this year but more probably early next year. That's about as specific as I can get. Check my profile for updated release date predictions. Now, with that out of the way, check out Archive Of Our Own for the Trunks ending, and stay tuned for Kingdom Hearts Pixar, a fanfic I've been wanting to write for, like, two years or something…or not. Whatever. Thanks for reading.**


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